Bachelor Pad

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LuluBates: A+ | 888 USERS: B-
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Mean Girls

Everyone puts on their finery, because you want to look good when you are being judged. Being judgmental, well that just requires track pants. Chris Harrison rises from his velvet-lined Barca-Lounger in time to chime a champagne glass to remind the clusterchump that they have to vote. Some of the girls vote for Wes and some of the girls vote for Kovacs. Drama! Except, you know, that would require people to care, and I'm not sure anyone does. The boys are not a united bloc, like the EU, but with more tattoos and fewer languages. Gwen appears to be the most likely candidate for the offing, but not for any reason other than that no one has no idea who she is or why she is there and they kind of think she just wandered in off the street to kill them all. She's basically the Ally Sheedy of the house. Wes and Peculiar Jesse are apparently voting for Elizabeth, so Kovacs and Dave try to force Kiptyn into voting for Gwen. They just don't know what she is thinking, and that's unfair! At her age the Botox has immobilized her head, and all facial expressions have been banished. Poor girl, she looks great for 50! Of course, she's only 30.

The contestants line up for execution... er, whoops, my fantasy again. But the revolution WILL be televised, and since these numb-nuts will do anything to be on TV, they are all going down. Anyway, they line up on risers like they are about to break into song, but are really just pleading for roses. Harrison and Melissa "Get a Job" Rycroft dole out roses until eventually it is only Gwen and Krisily and Kovacs and Wes left roseless. Harrison calls out Gwen's, name and Krisily shoots daggers at the men. Then Harrison tells Kovacs he is safe and Wes shrugs. Harrison asks Krisily, who has smoke coming out of her ears, if she has anything to say, and, um yeah, she does. She tells everyone that Kiptyn, Tenley, Kovacs and Elizabeth are going to be the last ones standing because of the vast couples' conspiracy. She rises four feet in the air and points at Dave, "J'ACCUSE!" She shrieks that no one has the balls to break the couple cliques, and they are all getting played. Including her. I mean, since she is pointing fingers, she didn't vote for Kovacs either. She got played by Dave. Krisily continues her rant for about 20 minutes until a giant hook comes out and yanks her off stage and shoves her face first into the limo. Harrison hesitatingly asks Wes if he has anything to say, and Wes just says it was all awesome. Harrison congratulates everyone else on surviving to play another day. In the limos, Wes continues his nonchalant attitude, while Krisily promises revenge upon the one who betrayed her. One flaming bag of dog poo and a vengeance demon to Dave's house, stat!

Bachelor Pad

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