Bachelorette

Season 9: After the Final Rose - Live, now on After the Final Rose, we greet the inevitable. No surprises, no twists, just a slow creep to the contractually obligated finish line. At least we get to learn who the next Bachelor is. Desiree comes out...

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Bachelorette 9: Our First-Impression Roses

Bachelorette 9: Our First-Impression Roses

It's slim pickings for Desiree this season.

RECAPS, WEECAPS, AND MORE

Latest Episode

9-12
Weecap

Everything is Normal and Nothing Hurt

Season 9: After the Final Rose - Everyone takes a turn on Chris Harrison's gray chairs of awkwardness and the next Bachelor is revealed.

08.05.2013 C

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Air/Pub'l

Grade

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9-11
Weecap

The Last Man Kneeling

Season 9, Episode 11: The Finale, Part 2 - Will Des rise from the ashes to find love, or will she turn every available suitor down and become a withered old maid? Those are her only options.

08.05.2013
08.06.2013
C-

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9-10
Weecap

Brooks Was Here

Season 9, Episode 10 - Oh, Brooks made a mistake. It seems that instead of being madly in love with Desiree and wanting to spend the rest of his life with her, he is not at all in love with her and wants to go home.

07.29.2013
07.30.2013
A

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9-9
Weecap

Désolé, Desiree

Season 9: The Men Tell All - The ousted losers return for the war-crimes tribunal of Ben and James, neither of whom seems particularly repentant, but that could just be because the only thing they did wrong was sign up for The Bachelorette in the first place.

07.22.2013
07.23.2013
F

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9-8
Weecap

Shouldn't Have Put a Ring On It

Season 9, Episode 8 - Here's hoping Zak can at least get back the deposit he put down for the hall he rented for the wedding reception.

07.15.2013
07.16.2013
F

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9-7
Weecap

Frankly, Madeira, I Don't Give A Damn

Season 9, Episode 7 - Which is worse: A bachelorette who pretends to be in love with all her remaining bachelors, or one who is clearly more smitten with one above the rest? Answer: They're both worse!

07.08.2013
07.09.2013
F

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9-5
Weecap

Bavarian Brouhaha

Season 9, Episode 5 - The other contestants rejoice when Ben is dispatched under mumbly, weaselly, shifty-eyed cross-examining by Michael that should have, at worst, meant both of them getting sent home. But that’s OK, because there’s a new “here for the wrong reasons” target, and his name is James.

06.24.2013
06.25.2013
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9-4
Weecap

Manmade Disaster Meets Natural Disaster

Season 9, Episode 4 - The producers of The Bachelorette are apparently under the impression that their audience isn't aware of things that are actually important versus things that are on The Bachelorette.

06.17.2013
06.18.2013
F

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9-3
Weecap

I'm Sure They'd Think Again if They Had a Friend Like Ben

Season 9, Episode 3 - "It's called The Bachelorette, not Let's Make Friends." It's not called Let's Wear Women's Tanktops either, Ben. Meanwhile, Brian's ex-girlfriend is unconvincing as herself.

06.10.2013
06.11.2013
F

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9-2
Weecap

Everything Is Terrible and Everyone Hurts

Season 9, Episode 2 - The men produce a rap video called "For the Right Reasons" which -- shocker -- turns out to be horrifying in every single way imaginable.

06.03.2013
06.04.2013
F

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9-1
Weecap

#worstcropofbachelorsyet

Season 9 Premiere - And now the story of a group of men who lost all self-respect, and the one woman who had no choice but to eliminate them one by one. It's Desiree's arrested development.

05.27.2013
05.28.2013
F

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8-11
Weecap

One Ring to Fool Them All

After the Final Rose - Emily and "Jef" share all kinds of shocking secrets, like how much they love each other, and Emily's superfluous third nipple! Well, the nipple doesn't come up so much.

07.22.2012
07.23.2012
F

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8-10
Weecap

The Glory of Love

Season 8, Episode 10 - Emily cries and cries and cries: her family won't tell her who to marry, despite everything she has been through (i.e. fancy dates in exotic places around the world).

07.22.2012
07.23.2012
F

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8-10
Weecap

Confidence Men

Season 8, The Men Tell All - The men tell all, or some, but mostly reinforce their personalities as overconfident yahoo (Ryan), disappointed dad (Doug), sensitive sweetheart (Sean) or arrogant jackass (Kalon, OBVIOUSLY).

07.16.2012
07.17.2012
F

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8-9
Weecap

You Don't Have to Go Home, but You Can't Stay Here

Season 8, Episode 9 - It's the overnight dates, which this season are actually the "kissing only, I'm trying to set an example" dates.

07.09.2012
07.10.2012
F

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8-8
Weecap

The Old Prince Still Lives At Home

Season 8, Episode 8 - Emily meets her boyfriends' families, and has a prank pulled on her by Sean, who managed to convince her he doesn't have any money. I mean, "still lives at home."

07.02.2012
07.03.2012
F

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8-7
Weecap

Where The Streets Have No Shame

Season 8, Episode 7 - Sean runs through the streets of Prague yelling Emily's name. He finds her, because it's not like Prague has 1.2 million people in it or anything. Oh, and Arie dated a woman briefly ten years ago so … scandal?

06.25.2012
06.26.2012
F

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8-6
Weecap

12 Simple Rules for Dating An Adult Ryan

Season 8, Episode 6 - The Bachelorette goes to Croatia, which is well-known for its advance screenings of Disney Pixar movies and the Scottish Highland Games.

06.18.2012
06.19.2012
F

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8-5
Weecap

Whalin' on Kalon

Season 8, Episode 5 - Kalon calls Ricki "baggage." Somehow, Emily survives, but it was touch-and-go there for a while.

06.11.2012
06.12.2012
F

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8-4
Weecap

Ego Tripping

Season 8, Episode 4 - Ryan's practically heroic overconfidence, Chris's hilariously unthreatening confrontational style and Arie's impression of Doug-as-Hulk make this episode less unwatchable than normal.

06.04.2012
06.05.2012
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8-3
Weecap

With a Little Help from Her 'Friends'

Season 8, Episode 3 - You can tell Emily not to get fat. You can tell her to shut up while you're talking. Just don't tell her that marriage involves compromise, or else you're going home NOW.

05.28.2012
05.29.2012
F

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8-2
Weecap

The Muppets, The Famewhores, And Me

19 Remaining Bachelors - The Muppets turn up for some reason, and nineteen guys get pared down to sixteen, which means it's still too early to know anyone's name.

05.21.2012
05.22.2012
C-

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8-1
Weecap

For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her

Emily Meets the Bachelors - Emily Maynard, here's a crew of losers, one of whom may be a potential father for Ricki and the minivan-full of babies that you want!

05.14.2012
05.15.2012
F

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7-10
Weecap

After the Rose

Season 7: After the Rose - As Bret Michaels says, every rose has its thorn and this one's name is Ben.

08.01.2011
08.02.2011
A

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7-10
Weecap

The Grand Finale

Season 7: The Final Rose - In which Ashley picks a husband just to piss off her sister.

08.01.2011
08.02.2011
A

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7-9
Weecap

Hallelujah

Season 7: The Men Tell All - It's raining [whiny, bitter, angry, weepy, brain damaged] men.

07.31.2011
08.01.2011
A

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7-9
Weecap

W.T.Fiji

Season 7: Episode 9 - One contestant shows up for no good reason and one walks out before the Fantasy Suite.

07.25.2011
07.26.2011
A

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7-8
Weecap

Pimp That Home

Season 7: Hometown Dates - Ashley hits the bachelors' hometowns like they owe her money.

07.18.2011
07.19.2011
A

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7-7
Weecap

Taiwan On

Season 7: Episode 7 - The spectre of hometown dates means everyone's talking love. Except Ryan who is talking tankless water heaters.

07.11.2011
07.12.2011
A

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7-6
Weecap

Hong Kong Phooey

Season 7, Episode 6 - Bentley shows up in Hong Kong, and Ashley goes from coyly wanting him back to appearing to want him dead. Then she spends the rest of the episode telling us how over Bentley she is.

06.27.2011
06.28.2011
F

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7-4
Weecap

Beau Thai

Season 7 Episode 5 - The Men take it to the Next Level by beating the crap out of each other for Ashley's viewing pleasure.

06.20.2011
06.21.2011
A

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7-4
Weecap

F@#in' Phuket

Episode 4 - Ashley invites the men to Thai one on. See what I did there?

06.13.2011
06.14.2011
A

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7-3
Weecap

The Dearly Departed

Season 7 Episode 3 - In which Bentley makes his move.

06.06.2011
06.07.2011
A

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7-2
Weecap

Playing the Odds

Episode 2 - What happens in Vegas, should have stayed in Vegas.

05.30.2011
05.31.2011
A

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7-1
Recap

Meet the Meat

Season 7 Episode 1 - Bachelorette Ashley has a whole lot of man meat on her hands, but strangely lets the butcher go home early.

05.23.2011
05.24.2011
A

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6-12
Weecap

Every Rose Has its Thorns

After the Final Rose - Ali and Roberto are still engaged. For now.

08.02.2010
08.03.2010
D-

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6-11
Weecap

The Final Rose

Ali Invites the Final Two Bachelors to Tahiti to Meet Her Family - Ali chooses Man Meat over Emotionless Spam.

08.02.2010
08.03.2010
A+

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6-9
Weecap

Nothing to Tell

The Men Tell All - The least interesting of the ousted bachelors talk about the much more interesting ousted bachelors for two hours. TWO HOURS.

07.26.2010
07.27.2010
D-

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6-8
Weecap

Let's Be Frank

Episode 9 - Roberto and Chris get some action, while Frank just gets honest.

07.19.2010
07.20.2010
A+

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6-8
Weecap

Hospitality, Taxidermy Basement-Style

Ali Meets The Bachelors’ Families - Kirk's family embarrasses themselves pretty badly while the other bachelors' families do not, so you can probably guess who got sent home.

07.12.2010
07.13.2010
A+

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6-7
Weecap

Party of Five plus Jake and Vienna

Episode 7 - Ali and her himbos are in Portugal, but they can't escape the voice of Bachelor Jake yelling, "STOP UNDERMINING ME, AMERICA!"

07.05.2010
07.06.2010
A+

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6-6
Weecap

Istanbul, Not Constantinople

Episode 6 - Pro Tip: If you've got a date in Constantinople, she'll be waiting in Istanbul. Unless you're Justin or Craig.

06.28.2010
06.29.2010
A+

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6-5
Weecap

Cold!

Episode 5 - Kasey ends up with his ultimate partner: the vast, frozen, merciless, empty world.

06.21.2010
06.22.2010
A+

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6-4
Weecap

Take New York

Episode 4 - Ali and her man-gang hit New York City and sap the city's reserves of Valtrex.

06.14.2010
06.15.2010
A+

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6-3
Weecap

Who in the What Now?

Episode 3 - Ali gang-dates most of the men in the house, but makes sure to take some quiet time with dreamboat Roberto 500 feet above LA. Because that's totally normal.

06.07.2010
06.08.2010
A+

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6-2
Weecap

Seventeen and Counting

Episode 2 - The Bachelorette makes out with two men, but makes sure Nana knows she is dating seventeen men at once.

05.31.2010
06.01.2010
A+

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5-1
Weecap

Meet the Meat

Generation Vexed - It's Bachelorette Ali's man meat round up! Yeehaw?

05.24.2010
05.25.2010
A+

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2-7
Recap

Circle Gets The Square

Once In Love With Ian - Actually, Square gets the Circle. Actually, Square gets no one. Actually, Circle just gets Ian.

02.24.2004
02.27.2004
D+

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2-6
Recap

Loser Is As Loser Does

Island Of Tropic Diseases - Try a little tenderness, Meredith. Try a little ANYTHING, Meredith. Just don't try pretending you like Chad. It's embarrassing.

02.17.2004
02.20.2004
A+

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2-5
Recap

Save The Drama For Yo Mama

Home On Deranged - Lanny's mom preaches, Matthew's mom rhymes, Chad's mom makes his bed for him, and Ian's mom disappears on cue. Good job, Meredith. Describing all of these guys in terms of their mothers is an excellent sign.

02.10.2004
02.12.2004
B+

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2-4
Recap

Lanny, Get Your Gun

One On One’s So Slow - Your love gun, that is, you seafood-sautéing stud, you.

02.03.2004
02.05.2004
D+

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2-3
Recap

Sssssssssh!

Dude, Don’t Be Such A Rick - Ryan M., seriously. The giraffes can't take it anymore.

01.27.2004
01.29.2004
B-

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2-2
Recap

Spare Me

Bowlers And Bowling - Bowling is supposed to be nasty and foolish and sloppy and drunk, so you wouldn't think it would work inside a mansion, right? But seriously, with Rick and Meredith creeping up the place, they insure it will be all of the above. Hey! Save me the small orange ball! Oh, wait. That's just Rick's head.

01.20.2004
01.22.2004
C+

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2-1
Recap

She's A Bad Nana Jama

House Of Bland And Groggy - The Ghost Of Dead Grandmas Past haunts the first ten minutes of this episode, after which time it descends into an exact retread of every previous season of this show. That's why Djb didn't feel so bad aping his index-page headline from last season. Because seriously? It's the identical show.

01.13.2004
01.15.2004
A+

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Mondo Extra

Marry Me A Lot

Trista & Ryan’s Wedding, Part 3 - I don't. And I can't. And I won't. And I think we should see other reality shows. Because this is NOT working out.

12.10.2003
12.14.2003
A+

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Mondo Extra

Lamb, Meet Slaughter

Trista & Ryan’s Wedding, Part 2 - Ryan bawls like a small child and it's all very pathetic.

12.02.2003
12.08.2003
B-

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Mondo Extra

Death Wears A Sweater Set

Trista & Ryan’s Wedding, Part 1 - Don't fear the reaper. For she will introduce you to people who let you taste delicious cakes.

11.25.2003
11.28.2003
D+

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1-7
Recap

Worshipping False American Idols

Attention Beggars Can Be Choosers - What if you threw a surprise reality-show finale and nobody came?

02.18.2003
02.21.2003
B

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1-6
Recap

Uncontrolled Substances

The Men Tell All - Videotaped footage of a grown man urinating on his own bed is burned on our retinas forever. It just makes that whole cocaine-bust thing pale in comparison, doesn't it?

02.11.2003
02.14.2003
B-

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1-5
Recap

The Biorhythm Method

You’re All I Overthink About - Russ gets his aura read and his ego shattered, and Rhymin' and Sideshow Charlie get...well, laid.

02.04.2003
02.07.2003
D+

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1-4
Recap

A Room of One's Own

A Very Very Very Fine House - You could fit all of the action of this episode into Greg's studio apartment. And you could wipe that sneer off your face when you do it, young lady.

01.28.2003
01.31.2003
C-

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1-3
Recap

Ryan's Hope

Oh, The Humanity! - "I like rocks. Rocks are gray. When you talk to a rock. They always say..."

01.21.2003
01.24.2003
B-

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1-2
Recap

Encino Evil

Chargers: A Million / Dorks: Eight - Yeah, um, hi everyone. I'm Guy. Who the hell are all you people?

01.14.2003
01.17.2003
B

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1-1
Recap

Slice Up the Beefcake

Debut - Twenty-five eligible blue-collar bohunks in varying degrees of cheap suits make their first plays for Trista's heart.

01.07.2003
01.10.2003
B-

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