Bachelorette
19 Remaining Bachelors

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Couch Baron: C- | Grade It Now!
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The Muppets, The Famewhores, And Me

Kalon blabbers to Emily about how mature he is and whatever, and I think Emily might be drunk by this point, and the other guys mill about like nervous expectant fathers and talk about how stuck-up Kalon is, and there's talk about making enemies and whatever, and then Chris Harrison has appeared, and Emily disappears and then it's time for the Rose Ceremony. Ryan and Jefffff are safe, so there are "only" fourteen roses to hand out, and then Emily returns from sobering up and gives them out: Kalon, not dragging it out. Arie. Michael (who?) Nate (who?) Sean (hot!) Chris. Doug. Guys starting to shit their pants. Travis (seriously, no idea). Tony. John. Alessandro. Charlie (yay!) Alejandro. One more. And it's... Stevie (ew). That means Aaron the biology teacher and Kyle the financial advisor are going home. Kyle thinks he should have opened up more, which is probably true, and that his heart is broken, which probably isn't. Aaron is just bitter, so I guess it's going to be a tough semester for his bio students. Next week: Dolly Parton, which makes me SO SAD, but I won't have to watch unless Daniel chooses to slice up another finger... I mean, "has another unfortunate accident." Either way, tune in!

John Ramos is a writer and film producer living in Los Angeles. His current film, "The Trouble With Bliss," starring Michael C. Hall, Lucy Liu, Brie Larson, and Peter Fonda, can be seen on iTunes and other digital platforms and cable VOD everywhere. (Facebook and Twitter here.) You can email him at couchbaron@gmail.com, follow him on Twitter at https://twitter.com/couchbaron, or check out his blog, "Pull Up A Chair," which he'd just love for you to stop by.

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Bachelorette

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