Bachelorette

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Blue DeAnna Song

Robert and Fred get the datebox for their Bachelorette non-death match. "Who has the recipe for love?" reads the card. Robert has a ridiculous non-theory that it's going to come down to the kiss, because DeAnna's not going to kiss both of them tonight, so if she kisses one of them, she's going to keep that guy. He's got it backwards in the sense that he seems to think kissing her will lead to her wanting to keep him, when it's the other way around. But it's not going to matter too much longer for Robert.

Back at the speedway, it's about time to hand out the rose, and DeAnna gives her usual blather about guys "putting themselves out there." Anyway, Sean gets the rose, of course. "All along, she's said she's looking for a southern gentleman. And I think she's finally found one," says Sean in a talking head, who's come across as eminently more likeable and personable than he has up until now. But that might just be the haircut.

Back at the outhouse, the guys decide it's time to have a little party and invite DeAnna and the Middlesex guys down to the outhouse. "The idea was everyone come down here and hang out with DeAnna" in a relaxed setting, says Jeremy. Robert admits to being a little annoyed about being invited back down to the Outhouse after making it to the mansion, and that's not all that's going to annoy him.

Down at the actual barbecue Robert's a little taken aback that he's expected to cook, which I acknowledge is a little presumptuous, but he's missing the point that it's supposed to be a barbecue for everyone to get together and have a little fun; it would have been nice of the other guys to ask him to cook, of course, but he seems to be under the impression that he and the other guys sharing the mansion with DeAnna are guests of honor. And he really pitches a fit because his placecard -- at a kiddie table set up as a joke for him and Fred, tweaking their upcoming DeAnna duel-date -- reads "Bobbie." So he tosses the crappy little plastic chair into the bushes. He might as well have crapped in the pool.

DeAnna talks about the weird vibe at the party. Translation: the party isn't expressly meant to fawn over her. "We got cornhole out back," says Jesse. I don't have ANY idea what that mean. See, Graham's avoiding her. And then she's told that Robert's lying down, which really pisses her off, and she goes inside to find him sulking by the table. He talks about how he heard that she's got her top three already picked out, and he's practically crying, and she says she hasn't told anybody anything along those lines. So she drags him outside and lays into the other guys. I have two interpretations of her ridiculous hissyfit; one is that she's faking being so upset -- which doesn't reflect very well on her. The other is that she's actually really upset about the stupid barbecue -- which also doesn't reflect very well on her. "I should be the happiest person in the world, and y'all are breaking my heart!" she yells. She talks about knowing how hard it is to go through what they're going through. Robert tries to apologize, and she rudely cuts him off. "I'm not speaking JUST to you," she says, but admits to being pissed that he's sitting inside when he's got a date with her tonight, whatever that's supposed to mean. "I'm going to my house now. You guys can all stay here and hang out."

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Bachelorette

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