Harrison asks her what took her so long to say "yes," and she says for like the third time tonight that she didn't want to be that girl who gets engaged a bunch of times but never gets married, and then Emily is like "blah blah blah" and then "Jef" is like "blah blah blah" and then Harrison is like "blah blah blah" and we go to commercial.
Harrison asks them what the first thing they want to do in public is, and he stresses "in PUBLIC" again like he's worried they're going to say, "Well, oral, I guess," and then "Jef" plants a big sloppy kiss on her and says he loves her. "He's good. He's good," says Harrison. He may be jealous. Of whom, I'm not sure.
And then there is some talk of the humanitarian mission Emily wants to do in Africa, so I guess children's hospital events in Charlotte are going to have to plan themselves for a little while, and it involves "Jef"'s bottled water company, which is inexplicably called "People Water."
And it turns out "Jef" is moving to Charlotte (into his own place) so Ricki won't be uprooted, and then Harrison asks about a wedding and Emily says she doesn't want to be "that cliché girl" who comes on here and says they're getting married next week. Yeah, because people on this show get married SO OFTEN it's a cliché by this point, right?
She's been checking out places. Well, Charleston. Way to think outside the Charlotte box!
Harrison asks if they've got a timeframe as to when they might get married. Yeah, ABC's going to want to broadcast the shit out of that, right? Emily says they don't want to set anything in stone, but she'd love a spring wedding. Harrison, on behalf of a lot of people he doesn't actually speak for, wishes them the best, and then ends the show.
And just when you're feeling good about this all ending, Harrison reminds us about Bachelor Pad, which probably sucked out everyone's will to live right then and there.
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. He's beginning to think following up The Bachelorette with Bachelor Pad was a big mistake. Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.