Bachelorette

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The Final Rose

It's the next morning and while Chris is all happy and well rested, Ali is struggling out of the wet spot, chugging a handful of Valtrex and birth control pills with Fiji water (ack, scandal!), and doesn't bother showering before rushing to Chris's bungalow. She rushes in to his room all atwitter, smelling of Roberto, talking a mile a minute, and acting so freaky it is like she is about to pull a Frank. Yes, that's a thing we are saying now. Ali grabs Chris's hands, pulls him onto the couch, and talks. She doesn't know what to say. Her heart is racing. She loves Chris. Her family loves Chris. But she is in love with Roberto.

Chris looks like a black hole landed on his chest. He is suddenly two-dimensional and small. He is just crushed under the realization that Ali just broke with tradition and chose Roberto right then and there. She didn't even give him the courtesy of a second overnight date. He had moves! He was ready to wow her! No, really! He was totally going to break out of his introverted tortoise-paced self and knock Ali's socks off. He was going to learn salsa dancing. He could have been a contender. Ali pats him reassuringly on his shoulder and swears that she knows he will find the right girl. It's just not her. She begs him for a hug. He obliges and sniffs her and mutters that she is amazing. Even if she is breaking his heart. Then Chris gets very mature and sends Ali off to find out whether Roberto loves her.

Ali leaves Chris alone and cries over the thought that she is causing him more pain. But, she is really doing him a favor. She just couldn't let him come to the final rose ceremony thinking he was a contender, when he was just a bum. Ali knows Chris is amazing, but she loves Roberto. Chris is stunned. He was falling in love with Ali. Very, very slowly, but he was. Probably. Most likely. Maybe. He gets it, though, he wasn't The One. The rejection still hurts. He is appreciative of the fact that Ali cut him off when she did. If they had gone out on their date today, he would have loved her more. If she had pity sex with him, he would have loved her more. So he's glad that she cut him off. It just shows how amazing she is. After Ali left, Chris's dead mom count shoots way up. Especially when he sees a rainbow and knows that it was his mother letting him know that it is all going to be okay. He is going to be okay. He has come so far already. He knows his mom is proud. He just has to find his perfect someone now. Aw, Chris. It's okay. Mere mortals just have no chance against smokin' hot superheroes.

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Bachelorette

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