Okay, confession: I hate home visits. I hate them in the same way that I hate really awkward teen romances or really embarrassing scenes in movies. Basically the entire Michael Cera oeuvre makes me squirm in my chair. I just feel bad for the families who did not sign up to be a part of their wayward child's reality show pipe dreams, but are now being dragged into it because of his "success". I feel terrible for the sisters-in-law who are nervously fixing their hair and wearing full body Spanx and push up bras. I feel bad for the mothers who have fastidiously cleaned their homes, brought out the good china, re-decorated the living room. I feel awful for the fathers who are trying to figure out how seriously they are supposed to take this girl who has arrived in their living room on the arm of the beloved son with a camera crew and make up artist in tow. It just makes me itchy and I really want to put my hands over my eyes and watch through my fingers... Sigh.
So Ali sits down with the family in their cream-colored dining room with straight-from-the-catalogue home accessories (ceramic fruit!) and chats gamely with the family about what she first loved about Roberto. (His ass, duh.) Roberto sits with his arm protectively around the back of Ali's chair until Roberto hits the lanai with his father and brother to talk hombre to hombre. Obviously the family has a shrine to Roberto's athletic accomplishments and it is in the glow of the many many gold-plated baseball players that Roberto Sr. grills Ali on her intentions. First question: Would Ali be willing to sacrifice her goals to help Roberto fulfill one of his? She gulps and says, more or less, no. But she would be willing to consider it so long as she could do something awesome too. Roberto Sr. has no idea what to make of that. Outside, Roberto Jr. talks to his mami about Ali. She gives him her blessing to propose to Ali if he should have the opportunity. Then, in one of the bedrooms, which is odd, Roberto Sr. blesses Roberto Jr. and then there is great rejoicing in the Martinez household. Also, dancing. Lots of dancing. Ali claims the bar for the other family visits has been set high. Very high. Muy alto.