Bachelorette
Bachelorette

Episode Report Card
Djb: B+ | 601 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Worshipping False American Idols

Dude, my plane is, like, taxiing right now.

Shirtless Ryan! How long has it been since last we've seen you? Let me check my hope chest...says here it's been "way too long!" Hooray, naked Ryan! I just love these outtakes from the set of The Love Proctor! As Trista sets up for her big dinner, Ryan works his way from just his boxer shorts into a pair of pants while rubbing some kind of lotion all over his body (thank you, ABC!) and telling us, "I don't know exactly where I stand in Trista's eyes. I feel like we have the necessary ingredients to continue on after this because I love her, but the problem is I don't know the connection she's made with Charlie as well." Dude, shell-less turtles dangling on live wires over busy freeways are watching this, all, "Wow, I thought I knew what vulnerable meant before." Ryan knocks on the front door of the house and then lets himself in, giving her a big hug and handing her champagne she knew was her "favorite." They prepare dinner as Trista tells us that she's gotten "a lot of signs" from Ryan but is still looking for "a couple more." Again, I hate to quibble, but I have no idea what she's talking about again. "Signs"? Anyway, Ryan tells her that he's almost "relieved" that it would finally be over the following day, and he admits that he always thought he wasn't a person who experienced stress, but that he's feeling it now. He repeats (he said it once before, but I'm not sure I told you) that he was particularly nervous about meeting Trista's father, and Trista reassures him with that cackling laugh I'm coming close to not being able to handle, "You're a little bigger than him." Ryan laughs at that and riffs on the joke, adding, "Look, Stan. Don't get lippy with me, 'cause I'm not above taking you out back." And you can tell it wouldn't be the first time old Stan was threatened in such a way. If the turn in the millennium wasn't even enough to shrink the glasses, I can only imagine how big they were back in his grade-school days when he would try and impress the bully by offering to do his taxes. Loser to the two-hundredth digit.

Bachelorette

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