"I got the one," Trista's half-sista chirps from the brink of irrelevance. What one? What's this one? What? Hello? Ruzzah ruzzah? Potatoes potatoes potatoes potatoes? Pipe down, y'all! "The one" refers to a question they put in the bowl and then reconsidered. So obviously it's hot! Let's hear it from Half-Trista's mouth: "Besides your face, what other part of your body do you shave?" Well, doesn't everyone have a laugh about that one! Charlie reminds us that he's not "the type of guy who gets embarrassed easily," which we have already gleaned from this weekly, soul-sucking national airing of such a brazen lack of warranted humiliation. But this, seriously, is nasty: "I don't shave my chest, but I clip it with buzzers." Ew! Ew ew ew ew ew! I'm so not into hair. Oh, the thought of it. Don't y'all start some big forum war about "bears" versus whatever is the opposite of bears, because I don't want to know. I just don't dig no outer coating on my man. Thank goodness Charlie keeps going! "I have very hairy...like sweater vest by Darwin if I don't do it." Darwin's all, "Who, me?" What an unlikely evocation of his name. Anyway, you just watched Charlie jump right into sharksville. Whammy! Because that is gross, and yet defying my will it continues still. Good thing they're dining under the Gateway Arch, because it's clear that the pioneering spirit through which its architect symbolically welcomed America westward has displayed itself in Charlie's unwavering Manifest Chestiny.
Wow. The man is so smooth (but not like that), he actually sets off a music cue. An acoustic guitar music cue! The family asks him if he's more afraid of being selected or not selected at this point, and Charlie makes it amply clear that he doesn't fear commitment. "I would dedicate myself to her. Be faithful. And move together toward growing this relationship." Awwwww! Trista's mom breaks the awkward sincerity that's descended (that shit totally doesn't fly at my family's dinner table, either), asking, "So, do you know anybody my age?" Statistically? Trista in about five years. HRWEG disses any other man who would try and steal Trista's small, cold, blackened, one-Ice-Age-away-from-solid-coal heart, asking snidely, "So, who's this Ryan?" He's your, um, son-in-law, muthafuckah. Trista tells us that her family loved Charlie, and HRWEG calls him "likable" twice. NotMom tells us how happy she would be if Trista and Charlie got engaged, and Charlie confirms that sentiment while sitting in an interview in a room that appears to contain a wall-hanging of, I think, bugs. What is that thing?