Chris takes his leave to thunderous exit applause. So I guess all you need to become famous in this country now is to say the words "I am famous I am famous I am famous" like how Islamic law allows men to divorce their wives?

Meredith "Like Bland Through The Hourglass" Phillips appears on the screen within a screen of this tricked-out Max Headroom fantasy, wearing -- no shit -- a black and pink bustier and holding what appears to be a racing helmet. A million fingers hover over a million mouse-clicks of a million sports fetish websites, readying themselves to click the "Make Screencap" button so essential to the advancement of their trade. And, sure enough, Meredith definitely plays up as much sex appeal as the hottest "amorphous ball of negative energy I see when I look at her" I've ever seen, as she reads the copy: "Hey, guys. Do you feel the need for speed?" I'm sorry, is this a flashback sequence of the introduction to the first group date from Bachelorette '86? You take our breath away, Meredith. Take our breath awaaaaaay. "Marcus, Rod, Matt, Chad, Ryan M., Sean, and Harold, grab your helmets and get ready to hit the dirt. Oh, and I hope you're not afraid of heights." Wait. Is there really a Rod? Meredith's stiff body language makes me wonder if we've made any progress since Frances O'Connor tried to return Haley Joel Osment to the robot lab in A.I. as she blows a kiss and promises, "See you soon." The guys whoop because it takes almost no incentive at all to encourage this group to whoop. Rick just looks around confused, as if wondering about the long-term effects of "talkies" on his chosen vocation.

Harold's also got his talking points down pat, as, in a Midwest accent that's taken up permanent residence in the hollow of the words "doin'," "most," and "alone," he tells us, "I'm excited to find out what we're doin', but the thing I'm most excited about is seeing Meredith and getting some alone time with her." ["I read in a newspaper here that Harold is Canadian, so he's actually even more midwestern than you thought." -- Wing Chun] Out in a limo, Meredith cops to never having been "on a date with seven men." Neither have most of us, dear, but if you're looking for some primary source information in order to prepare, I'd imagine that the vast majority of "dates with seven guys" also take place on the cheap VHS tapes you so seem to favor.