Ten pissed-off football lovers stand forlornly at the doorway of The Dude Ranch watching Jeff, Brian H., Charlie, Mike, and Greg trying to tell each other apart as they leave with Trista for San Diego. This time we're in a southbound Winnebago of some kind, Gnarly Charlie telling us as an aside, "She's a beautiful girl. Very petite figure. Once she showed up, I think everybody's energy level spiked." And, for those of you with access to our site's forums, I concur that it was impossible to distinguish whether he said "showed up" or "shut up." Something tells me at this early stage that a physical presence and a verbal absence are of equal import to Charlie when it comes to dating, so let's just call it a push and move on, okay? But what I will say, in his defense, is that the all-important "location location location" strategy that the Vegas guys insisted gave Russ the edge has absolutely no bearing here, as Charlie sits at Trista's opposite exterior angle and co-opts the conversation entirely. Meanwhile, the plum spot next to Trista is occupied by Jeff, who sits silently several inches outside the valence of her personal space, staring longingly and unceasingly into a drink featuring an emasculating stalk of celery and thinking, "Trista won't look at me, so I'm cheating on her with this roughage." You show her, big guy. Charlie regales Trista with a story beginning "My dad shot me with a twelve-gauge," and I wonder briefly if he's recounting a personal anecdote or assuming the first-person voice to act out a short play he's written about the life and death of Marvin Gaye, 'cause you know how much Trista likes those artsy types. They laugh about the possibility that Charlie could set off an airport metal detector because of a spike or plate or something in his arm, and Jeff attempts to hitch onto the back end of the laugh by making a beeping, metal detector-y sound because...well, look what a chick magnet that funny sound-effects guy in Police Academy IV was. That's totally Jeff's favorite movie of all time. Though I hear from the gossip rags that Roughage prefers the follow-up Citizens on Patrol effort. But really, what relationship is perfect? Hey, onomatopoeia dude? What's the sound of one Jeff losing?