Or, not! Suddenly, a box of nails just coincidentally purchased at The Mike Fleiss Conveniently Plot-Enhancing Hardware Emporium spills itself all over I-405, right in front of the Winnebago! The vehicle shudders and stops, and the guys are informed that they have a flat. Trista responds calmly because of the part where she knew all along that this was coming. Charlie muses that one of them had to be "the chivalrous one" and "save the day." But an old war injury that ended his "What's Going On" days will preclude him from playing hero, and in seconds Jeff looks at the shredded tire and reenters the Man Van, his shirt uncontextually off ("Oh, look. Matthew's naked in the office again") and his pecs glinting, asking, "Is the jack in here?" That Keanu Nashville guy (y'all, "Keanu Nashville" is totally my porn name) turns to him and "jokes," "Let's see, I've got Beam, I'm got vodka, I'm outta Jack." Trista howls with laughter, and Keanu Nashville leans in toward her, all, "We are currently sharing in a moment of my endless hilarity." Keanu Nashville is clearly up to Step Nine in his alcohol-abuse recovery program, where he apologizes to everyone he knows for how that joke has hurt them individually. Trista, for her part, didn't even hear him, and we discover that the source of her amusement is naked Jeff, the sight of whom causes her to burst out laughing and howl, "You have your shirt off! I didn't even realize that." She didn't? Is this a visual affliction Keanu Nashville would term, in his pun-filled hilarity, "Pecs-Ray Vision"? I hope so. Because it certainly would keep me from having to make that joke myself. Anyway, Jeff fixes the tire and notes, "Chop chop, guys, we gotta get to the game." Someone should have told him he was two mere "chops" away from a rose-free night at Guy's House.
To San Diego we go, now, to a "Let's go to the videotape" collection of video clips of actual, non-Swedish athletes engaging in legitimate sport. I hum a few bars of the Sportscenter theme, which I discover quickly is actually the Baseball Tonight theme, and stuff my useless Y-chromosome back into its genetic hiding place so I can go back to making fun of Trista's outfits without being unduly distracted by her cleavage. She shows up on the big TV screen and the fans go wild. She sits in the Bachelorette Box with Greg, who is telling her that he wants to play her "the blues song [he] wrote for [her]." Trista responds -- with the unbridled enthusiasm one might bring to bear in offering that response to the kid your girlfriend babysits for telling you she wants to read you a poem she's written about trees -- that she really wants to hear it. Greg notes in an interview that he hopes to get a rose and "continue the relationship" they've started. Then they go on the field and meet some players. Drew Brees admits to watching The Bachelor. On the way back, Trista spends some alone time with Charlie in the back of the Man Van and tells him she was most attracted to him straightaway. And you've got to give him credit, he gives her some space when she asks for it and gets out of her way. In contrast, back in Encino, Russ cleverly purchases a Tiffany Crisper and steals from Jeff the only roughage who he'd ever really loved.