Bachelorette
DeAnna Accepts A Proposal

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Crocodile Tears

As for Jason? Well, they're going scuba-diving. Swimming with sharks! "Sharks and people aren't supposed to hang out together!" he says in a talking head. The show ratchets up the "dramatic" music, as if there's any possibility that these aren't the tamest sharks in the entire friggin' ocean. They sit on the ocean floor while a school? Pod? Flock? Parliament? of sharks swims all around them, failing to eat them. Stupid fucking sharks.

Over dinner, Jason also has a gift for DeAnna, which is a handmade board game called "Eight Roses" that's all about their time together. OK, I have to admit that's pretty damn suave. "The game, you know, it helped me say a few things that I really wanted to say," including things like, "There's not a doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with you." "I melted," admits DeAnna in a talking head. They cuddle and make out, and if DeAnna doesn't wind up picking Jason, it'll be a major surprise. Jason even seems to think so, saying in his heart of hearts, he thinks he'll be engaged to her. Or could this all be edited to make it look like Jason's the front-runner, if only to pull the ol' switcheroo?

And then she goes and spoils it all by saying something stupid like, "I'm in love with two totally different guys."

It's the morning of the apocalypse: the final day. DeAnna says she could spend the rest of her life with either one of these guys. I suppose the producers prefer that to: "If I know at all what love is, then I already know who I want to be with, but I'm pretending to be equally in love with both for the sake of the 'drama.'" She says it's the toughest choice she's ever had to make, but she knows who she's going to pick, and she can only hope he feels the same way about her.

Jason goes ring shopping, picking what he thinks is a "classic yet modern" ring because that would really suit DeAnna's awesomeness, for whatever reason. Jesse looks like he's going to lose his lunch over having to do this. Did he and Jason have to do paper-rock-scissors to see who got first choice? Jesse picks out a ring and manages to not chunder all over the jeweler.

We watch endless shots of the three nimrods getting ready. DeAnna says it's going to be hard to send someone home whom she's falling in love with. "He's going to feel just as I felt the day Brad sent me home," she says. The difference, though, is that Brad is an asshole for doing it, and DeAnna isn't, because ... um ... what's the difference again?

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Bachelorette

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