Bachelorette

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Golden Graham

At Jesse's place, the living room is dominated by a picture for JSAK, which Jesse says is his charity organization that helps provide snowboarding opportunities for kids from families that don't have a ton of extra money. I have to admit I'm impressed that Jesse hasn't been talking this up every show. Everything's labeled in Jesse's apartment, and there are snowboards hanging up. "You can tell that you live here," she says. Because if he doesn't, then they're trespassing.

Jesse's parents arrive, with his dad wearing a baseball hat with a blond wig underneath. Heh. Jesse's dad looks like Old Jesse. They sit down for supper and Jesse's mom asks DeAnna how she likes his hair, and DeAnna says she likes it, and I totally think Jesse's mom hates it and was hoping for an ally. Jesse's dad asks her some weird question about "sharing" and then she babbles some reply. Jesse heads up to the bedroom for a heart to heart with his dad, who asks if DeAnna looks away when Jesse looks at her, and says, "The eyes are the window to the soul." Meanwhile, DeAnna's learning some of the family secrets -- Jesse's parents had given up on having children, and Jesse was born twelve years in.

Are Jesse and Old Jesse still talking? Old Jesse is telling his son to open up. "My dad is one heck of a dude," says Jesse in a talking-head, because Old Jesse's advice is exactly what DeAnna's been saying, although I have to imagine Jesse's dad brought up Brad a whole lot less.

So Jesse's dad heads out on the deck with DeAnna so they can talk about whether Jesse's ready to get married, and Old Jesse gets verklempt when talking about being blessed with Jesse, and DeAnna knows what he means, because she is "truly blessed" for having met Jesse, and then I threw up for about eight hours.

And then Jesse and DeAnna go off on a carriage ride and the two of them make out and Jesse says he's going to "kick it up about ten notches" and the other guys aren't going to know what hit them, i.e. "I'm going to have to give this showering thing a try."

And now we head to Dallas to meet Jeremy's family, and she gets all excited because he comes riding up in a motorcycle. I think she's totally going to ditch last period so they can go smoke under the football-field bleachers, guys. Jeremy says it was supposed to be a short bike ride, but he enjoyed having her on his back, so he stretched it out. So because of the extra fuel usage, it's safe to say that DeAnna is indirectly to blame for global warming.

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Bachelorette

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