Episode Report Card
Daniel: D | Grade It Now!
Did I Shave My Chest for This?

Chris welcomes Deanna back to the mansion. She's wearing a pretty, shimmery gold dress. Chris tells her she looks fantastic. "You look like, uh ... you look like the bachelorette!" he says. This must be why he gets paid the big bucks. He sits down to chat with her. "I'm the luckiest woman in the world right now!" she says, not for the first time, and not for the last, but with the same grasp of reality each time. She also says, "I totally believe in this show!" She says she fell in love with Brad, which Chris seizes on as proof this show actually works, percentage of accomplished marriages to the contrary, I suppose. She says she's looking for someone who is caring, who loves his family, who respects her, who can make her laugh. "Someone who knows what they want?" prompts Chris. "Someone who knows what they want, first and foremost," she agrees, even though she needed Chris to suggest the quality that was most important. They head outside to await the arrival of the men. I haven't felt anticipation like this since my first colonoscopy.

The limos arrive, and the men get out -- and same deal as before. They're all the same, they all make small talk, some hug her, some twirl. Some are suave, some act suave, some reveal themselves to be dorks, and she is unfailingly sweet and charming with each one. I'm not positive, but she may have been disappointed that Brad wasn't one of the bachelors. As the men arrive, they gather inside the mansion and drink and talk about how gorgeous she is -- which, don't they already know that if they're some of the thousands of men who are on this show for DeAnna? They also talk about how fast their hearts were beating, a conversation that resembles no conversation I've ever had had with any of my friends ever.

Back outside, Chris says "Ha ha ha," as he strolls up to tell her she's met her first fifteen boys, and DeAnna quickly corrects that to "men" in some not-at-all-scripted (in a scene that starts with CHRIS: [Enter laughing]) totally-spontaneous banter. For the viewers who can't handle basic arithmetic, Chris lets us all know there are ten more still to come. Thank god it's only ten -- when I tried to subtract fifteen from twenty-five, I got 6,382. Ten is much more manageable. After more men are introduced to DeAnna, Chris strolls out and asks if this is going to help her forget Brad. "Who?" she deadpans. Again, totally spontaneously and not at all set up, right? "Get ready for the night of your life!" he threatens.

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