I mean, the two-on-one date, which we move onto next, is a perfect example. Instead of one guy getting a rose, she sent both of them home. Did she tell both of them at the same time that they were going home? No. She sent Robert home and allowed Fred to think he was going to stay. "The hard part is that I knew Fred thought he was going to stay," she says. The stink from the shit coming out of Chris's mouth becomes particularly malodorous as this bullshit move by DeAnna gets spun as heroism, because she didn't lead Fred on by giving him a rose to stay for one more episode. I assume the Nobel committee has been notified of her actions.
And because all of DeAnna's thoughts and feelings can't even fill twenty minutes' worth, we're off now to Vail, Colorado, to visit with "America's favorite Bachelorette couple," Trista and Ryan. I suppose "America's favorite Bachelorette couple" does sound better than "America's only technically successful Bachelorette couple." Trista loves her life of firefighter-marriage and stay-at-home mommying. "But Trista had to earn her happy ending," Chris tells us. "Earn"? Oh. By this he means that she was on The Bachelor and had her heart broken. And then she was on The Bachelorette and met Ryan, and then they invented getting married, and invented having children.
Trista thinks Deanna is serious and invested and wants to find love. DeAnna says she's really looking forward to seeing where she and the bachelors go on their exotic dates, because that's what the producers asked her to say because that episode is coming up soon -- I mean, "that's when she fell in love with Ryan."
"Let's take a closer in-depth look at the men who are fighting to win her heart," says Chris. Yeah, that should kill about thirty seconds apiece.
Jesse is a professional snowboarder who alludes to all the tail he gets because of what he does. "I'm so much different from the other guys," he says. Does that mean anything interesting like "I have a third testicle"? No. It means -- well, he has some sneakers with neon on them. Basically.