Bob, who...well, let's just say that he won't be who Trista chooses, but he might be that guy's wacky best friend in the sitcom they'll make about this season on The Bachelorette. Oh, sorry, what? Oh, that's the nice way of calling him fat. I didn't think I'd have to explain. He tells Trista that "Alex's loss is our gain," and the whole of the country stifles a series of "Are you sure you should be adding anything more in the gain column?" jokes, with an unacceptable dash of "Why, because you ate him?" quips that other people would say and certainly I never, ever would.

Billy is a firefighter from Hermosa Beach who doesn't brag about being a firefighter. That is, he is a firefighter, but he doesn't tell people. Or something. He whispers smackily to Trista that it's nice to meet her. He won't win either.

Duane is a flight instructor from Minnesota who tells us, "I grew up in a family where the dad's always been the dad and the mom's always been the mom." He thinks it will be "weird" having a girl "call the shots," but he'll "go along with it." Duane's introduction was brought to you by the letter "Duh" and the modifying adjective "anabolic."

Gregg H. is from New Jersey.

Brian C. has "done his fair share of partying," but as he "grows older" (he's twenty-eight), he has started to think about settling down. He thinks that Trista might be "the one" because of that one time that they didn't know each other at all.

Oh, my god. Enough. I feel like I'm recapping Meet the Phone Book. How many people has this been? Ack! Another limo!

Jeff kisses Trista right on the cheek, leaning in a bit too far and slicing her cornea with his risen-with-the- anti-gravity-power- of-a-snake-charming-swami mid-'80s mousse job. Ladies and gentlemen, meet The Beefcake Factory's permanent answer to the oft-repeated, wrinkled-nose inquisition, "Wait, is it just me, or does somebody smell Drakkar Noir?" It's you, Jeff. It's always, always you.

Josh guess that "all twenty-four guys could be better looking than I am." Even playing by the Price is Right rules of whoever guesses closest without going over, he's on his way to the Showcase Showdown with that spot-on level of accuracy. Also, gay.

If Mike's blue and he don't know where to go to, why don't he go where fashion sits? He's wearing a black suit with a white tie and, though we can't see in the dark romantic light, I'm guessing...spats? He tells us that he wears his emotions "on his sleeve," though I'm sure he dusts them off if that's not part of his overall aesthetic plan of "trying hard to look like Gary Cooper." Super duper!