I officially get to have my American citizenship back this week, as I spoke the words "I loved Tom Hanks!" while watching him act for the first time since the Scolari days. See Catch Me if You Can. It's cute. And Leo's cute. And I just found out that the executive producers just fired their publicist, who I used to work for. So, as you see, everything came together just fine.
Guardian Game Show Host accompanies Trista to the front door of The Beefcake Factory ("Nobody, no, nobody! Is gonna rain on my paraaaaaade!"), stands stoically while she kisses him on the cheek, waits for the camera to cut away, and then commences bawling into a well-manicured hedge and muttering nonsensical variations on "My little girl" and "Is all grown up." Inside, Trista walks alone and bids the men all a hello, quickly giving in to her emotions just like a girl, turning away, and squeaking, "Oh, my god, I can't believe I'm here!" She makes the rounds, accepting a rose from Billy, who smiles widely and doesn't tell anyone he's a firefighter. Peter stands, looking suspect, in one corner of the giant living room, telling a wayward camera, "I think she has the whole package," before turning around and continuing his journey to retrieve the gun The Godfather taped up behind the toilet. Brook tells a story about the rodeo that Trista has to listen to and we don't.
Out on the patio, Trista tells us that "it's gonna definitely be about the chemistry I have with them in talking to them." She fake-laughs when Eric notes that there are "so many men, so little time." Maybe they have such an instant bond because he works for the same Spencer Gifts distributor as Chris's aforementioned "You Go, Girl" friends. Josh swoops in from nowhere and drags Trista off, pirouetting daintily to another end of the porch while telling us that he wanted to steal her away so he could show her "what I'm all about." Like, for instance, telling her, "I knew which song that doorbell was playing from the second I walked in there, and I'll bet none of those other twenty-four butches even had the slightest idea. Well, maybe a few of them." What Josh actually says is that he's "a big-time family guy." Trista cops to the fact that she wants at least two kids -- a boy and a girl -- "so if I don't get them the first two, I'll go for three." Josh goes manic at this, laughing nervously (actually, he's laughing; we're nervous) and agreeing that if she doesn't have a boy and a girl immediately, she could "keep spitting it out" until she gets that girl. Besides being a finely nuanced way of describing the sacred rite of childbirth, I would also venture that "spitting it out until he finally gets a girl" could also serve as an accurate depiction of Josh's outlook on the inevitability of heterosexual dating.