And steal her he does. Up in the Gloom Room, Chris plays the role of chastising older brother when he asks Meredith, "What was all that about downstairs?" She says she wasn't ready and still wanted more time with the guys. She's sure of six guys, and some others she's not sure about. Well, with six roses left to give, I have a great idea, dear. Chris kind of snottily asks what she wants to do, and she says she wants the option to have a seventh rose. Chris tells her that this is up to her, ultimately, and I ultimately argue that it is not. Six roses. SIX ROSES. Play the game. The GAME. Six is six, and don't be messing with it or the universe will fall into chaos. Don't make us stick around for an hour and cut three pieces of chaff we know are gonna end up getting cut anyway. Blah blah, video messages, and everyone wants a rose because they feel like they have a connection and will this box my TiVo came in be big enough to pack my flatware in? Whatever. Ian's gonna win anyway.

And back downstairs she goes, Chris practically throwing down a tray with seven roses. It must be dawn and he is so sleeeeeeepy. Meredith tells the guys, "I'm really confused right now." She knows it's going to be hard to pick, which is why she's chosen to hand out seven roses instead of six. Now one of the guys who was on the bubble won't have to be deep-sevened. Oh, I'm sorry. I must have gotten the expression wrong for some reason. Unfortunately, Meredith's fuzzy math has thrown the universe off its axis and all logic has been eighty-sevened. God DAMMIT!

Fine. Here we go, then:

Ian, will you accept this rose? Oh, just give him the damn ring now, rather than dragging it out in front of an audience who can't take it anymore. You might lose some money on your end, ABC, but you can make up for it airing endless bonus episodes of It's All Relative. When you think about it, it's really seven of one and a half-dozen of the other.