It's before the Rose Ceremony again, where a drunken, raving Ryan R. tries to explain to -- I don't know, let's call them Vlad and Brad, it's totally not important -- that he was "right there, we were gettin' here, we were one-on-one, we were...chatting." Yup. When you're mid-chatting, it might be nearing real love. He then affects a voice we'll call his Drunk Rick, quoting him has having said, "Pardon me!" Dude, if you want Vlad and Brad to turn fully against Rick as you now have, all you need is the very ammunition he provided for you. And I quote: "My good friend, I have to steal the lady." "I have to steal the lady"? Is he auditioning for a Merchant Ivory film? And, if so, how come Ryan R. didn't just volley back with his retort: "My dear boy, the lady is flattered but spoken for" before hitting him across the face with his riding gloves and running to the sitting room to resume arranging some matches?
Shut up, Rick.
Now, level with me, people: Brad really was secretly eliminated last week, right? Because he seems to be back, outside with Meredith now, telling her that he is both "physically attracted" to as well as "mentally stimulated" by her. Chill out, dude. She's the Bachelorette, not a Bertolucci film. You can put away the ten-cent words that mean you want to touch her boobies.
And just like that, it's over. The ting-ting-ting of the hideous champagne glass comes in the nick of time this week, but Meredith expresses some furrowed-brow concern, saying she think it's too early. She walks up to Chris at the base of the stairs and tells him, "I'm not ready to do this." Forgoing the steps, Chris takes his wanton, insubordinate harlot Bachelorette back to the dining room in this house that seems to change its architectural logic more often than the Brady house. Meredith confides in Chris that she hasn't made up her mind yet, but Chris sticks to the script and says that they'll talk about this in the deliberation room. She walks after him reluctantly, kind of rolling her eyes behind him as she walks. Yee-ouch. All he was trying to do was gently steal the lady.
And steal her he does. Up in the Gloom Room, Chris plays the role of chastising older brother when he asks Meredith, "What was all that about downstairs?" She says she wasn't ready and still wanted more time with the guys. She's sure of six guys, and some others she's not sure about. Well, with six roses left to give, I have a great idea, dear. Chris kind of snottily asks what she wants to do, and she says she wants the option to have a seventh rose. Chris tells her that this is up to her, ultimately, and I ultimately argue that it is not. Six roses. SIX ROSES. Play the game. The GAME. Six is six, and don't be messing with it or the universe will fall into chaos. Don't make us stick around for an hour and cut three pieces of chaff we know are gonna end up getting cut anyway. Blah blah, video messages, and everyone wants a rose because they feel like they have a connection and will this box my TiVo came in be big enough to pack my flatware in? Whatever. Ian's gonna win anyway.