Bachelorette
Dude, Don't Be Such A Rick

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Sssssssssh!

Down in a completely empty Chinatown, a few shots of a Meredith and Ian find them at a really tiny parade celebrating the ringing in of The Year Of The Dead Matronly Figure (it's very rare...it's like a Chinese leap year thing). They're then being dragged in a rickshaw by a real live Asian man (way to keep it authentic and vaguely racist at the same time!) and into a fancy restaurant. Once inside, Ian yells for service, "What's the specialty of the house?" But since it looks like Meredith and Ian have fallen into that Twilight Zone episode where they're the only people left on an otherwise desolate landscape, Meredith is forced to banter, "You're sittin' right next to her." And since that's just about enough for conversation not including the word "journey," Ian pulls the sheet marked "From The Blood-Stained Quill Of Mike Fleiss" out of his pocket and just resorts to the word-for-word script: "Do you see yourself married by the end of this?" Ian promises "on the record" that he wouldn't propose to someone if he didn't feel absolutely ready to be married. He's here "to find a girlfriend," he stammers, and Meredith agrees in a confessional, "It still is really early," like it's the first time she's thought of the fact that they've known each other the amount of time it takes to heat up a bowl of wonton soup that that they'll never get served because this town is empty of human life and you can stay on that train all you want, but the next stop is always going to be Centerville, Centerville, Centerville.

The second date box shows up, and we find Meredith on the tape wearing a dress the exact same color she is, pretending not to die of embarrassment trying to sell these lines: "Todd and Ryan M., all aboard. Let's ride the rail and go see if we have any animal magnetism." Centerville, Centerville, Centerville. In a confessional, Ryan R. starts to develop a bit of a thug-like presence, spinning conspiracy yarns ["hey, that's your job!" -- Wing Chun]: "Maybe some people didn't even answer that psych test honestly." For instance, on question #23, "Would you remove your body mic in a violent, yanking fashion before eating the flesh and brains of human babies," Ryan R. checked off the implicating, "Somewhat likely." I guess this means that Ryan M. and Todd just lied about their answers. You guys? How is Meredith supposed to get to know the real you this way?

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Bachelorette

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