Bachelorette

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"I Was Hung Like a Light Switch"

Yay! The rose ceremony! It's the light at the end of the tunnel! Wes, Mike, Jake and Huan (going with Chris Harrison's over-pronunciation) are safe. Jillian comes out to talk about how blessed she is to be blessed with the funniest, smartest, most cock-revealingest group of bachelors this show has seen. So let's get to it!

Jesse. David. Boooooo! Ed. Sasha. Mark. Michael. (He exhales noisily, to everyone's amusement.) Tanner P. WHAT? Kiptyn. Still haven't changed your name, Kiptyn? Huh. OK. Reid. Robby. Tanner F. Final rose goes to Brad. Sorry, Brian! I guess your chemistry just wasn't big enough! Brian says you feel like you've got everything down pat, you're on top of the world, and the next thing you know, you're booted. Well, try your strip-naked stunt at work, so see what happens, and maybe you can start figuring out just where things started going off the rails. "I was bold, and apparently she didn't like it," he says, acknowledging that stripping had something to do with it, and since it was cold, he was "hung like a light switch." Here's hoping he means, at least, in the OFF POSITION. Julien's gone too, which blows his "she won't cut me if she doesn't even know who I am" theory right out of the water. Also going home is Simon, who says he's disappointed, but he's happier to leave now instead of falling in love and getting disappointed. Mathue says he wishes he could have another chance to show her the real him. He seems genuinely sad. He actually fights back tears. Dude, you've been there THREE DAYS, and by your own acknowledgment you didn't really talk to her. I think you'll bounce back.

After the scenes teasing next week's episode, we watch the other guys riding Simon about his thick accent. He does his best to pronounce the "r" in "hard," and eventually good-naturedly tells them that he's the only one who speaks English, and it's the rest of them who have fucked up the language. Hee. You can always count on the throwaway 30 seconds of the end credits for the one scene where everyone looks like they're having fun and aren't acting like assholes.

Get Jillian's take on her random assortment of guys in our Q&A.

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Bachelorette

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