Bachelorette

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"I Was Hung Like a Light Switch"

Over at the Crocker Club, some guys are opening up a giant vault, like the one in Goldfinger at Fort Knox, and Jillian says she can't believe that soon she's going to be locked in a vault with a million dollars worth of jewels and some guy. No one else can believe this either, Jillian.

"It's time to put a spring in your step. Find the rose, and I'll be waiting," is the clue for Brad and Wes, and there's a stopwatch with it, and almost instantly they figure out that the address is on the watch: the Crocker Club is on Spring Street.

They're the first ones there, and Brad puts the necklace on Jillian. One of them will be eating with her, while the other one will wait outside for the rest of the morons. Brad's confident he'll be picked, since they won the race: "I'm definitely the brains of the operation. As a matter of fact, I'm the only brain in the operation." He's also the asshole of the operation, apparently. So Jillian picking Wes over him wipes the smirk off his face. "This is bullshit," is his opinion. Oh, and he also says Wes isn't there "for the right reasons."

Jillian babbles that there's something about Wes that attracts her, and then she says the word "honky-tonk," so I fast-forwarded a little bit, only I unfortunately didn't miss the part where Jillian natters on like a school girl about how her friends are all like "oh my god" and shit.

Brian and Ed are the next to arrive, and are disappointed to find out Jillian's already chowing down with Wes. Ed doesn't see Jillian and Wes having any kind of connection. If there is one, it's "fabricated," he says. On this show? You crazy, Ed.

Back at the bachelor pen, a date card arrives. In an interview, Tanner F. tells us that he would really like the one-on-one time with Jillian. Which would make you a lot different from the other bachelors, right? Alas, not this time, Tanner F. "Jake, I'm looking for a guy who can cut loose," says the card, and Jake in an interview calls it "surreal." I'd like to go one episode without hearing that word, you know?

Over at the vault, one-on-one time is not proving to be anything to write home about, Jillian asks Wes if he's a "relationship guy," and he says he's had three girlfriends his whole life, for like two and a half years at a time. Jillian seems to think that means that he's banged a lot of women in between that, but he denies that, at least at first. In an interview, Jillian says there are a lot of things that she likes about Wes: he plays country music, he's good-looking, he's from Austin. She likes that he's from Austin? She does feel, however, that there's something that she needs to protect herself from.

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Bachelorette

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