Bachelorette

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Daniel: B | Grade It Now!
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"I Was Hung Like a Light Switch"

Then they two-step, and Jillian is surprised to find out he already knows how to two-step better than she does. So he's a better fake-cowboy than you are, Jillian? Don't take it personally. Then I hear Jake say "soul mate" so thank god we're into a commercial break. Commercials on this show are like Ritalin for me.

"I really think that there is a spark that could quite possibly turn into a flame that could quite possibly turn into love that could quite possibly turn into marriage," Jake tells us. Don't put too many qualifications on it or anything, Jake. Then he talks to Jillian about how being as awesome as he is doesn't mean anything unless he has someone to share it with, and then asks her how she'd feel about being whisked off to Belgium for actual Belgian waffles. "I would freak out! That would be awesome!" she says. Any time she wants to sound not like a 13-year-old getting a backstage pass to the Jonas Brothers, that would be just fine with me. In an interview, Jillian says, "It seems really early to say this, but I feel like Jake is one of those people that I could say, 'here is my life,' and I could walk away and then I would be in great shape." Yeah, it seems really early to say that, by which I mean it's awfully early to be as drunk as you need to be to spout such incoherence.

Jake asks her why she's here. "I want to find my best friend, I do." She thinks this is a great avenue to do that, which I guess means she hasn't actually checked out this show's track record (and has FORGOTTEN HER OWN EXPERIENCE). Then he asks if she thinks she could get married out of this, and she starts babbling that she can, and then he starts kissing her, probably just to get her to shut up, a move I heartily endorse.

Back at the bachelor pit, Mike says he's starting to feel some pressure. There's a date card: Jesse, Mark, David, Mike, Simon, Kiptyn and Juan: "If you want be with me, you have to play ball." Julien says he's one of four people who haven't got a date, but he's not worried, because he doesn't figure Jillian's going to chop people she hasn't gotten to know. Yeah, that's right, Julien. She's going to cut the guys she gets to know and like instead.

Back at the date, the stage finally lifts up to reveal Martina McBride and her band ready to assault us with some bland new country stylings, and the two of them go dancing, and Jake has to pretend to be really into Martina McBride, and then while McBride warbles out some slow song, Jillian brings out a rose to pin on Jake, who calls it "surreal" again. And what has Jillian learned? Jake is someone she "could spend a lot of time with." "If things keep progressing with Jillian the way they did tonight, I would love to be the guy who puts the ring on her finger," Jake tells us.

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Bachelorette

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