Back at the mansion, Chris Harrison reminds us that soon 25 of the "most eligible bachelors in America" plus a butcher from New Jersey will be arriving to woo Ashley. Just then Ashley's limo pulls up and she pops out in a sparkling dress that would put a drag queen wearing a disco ball to shame. She pauses for a moment to take it all in (and because the producers probably told her to) and then proceeds to give Chris Harrison a hug. I hope you took your Valtrex, honey! Chris asks how she is doing and she claims she is excited, nervous, and scared. She then does a little hop step jumpy thing that makes it look like she really has to tinkle, but probably is scared to ask and doesn't know how to get out of her dress. Also, her teeny tiny arms probably can't lift her skirt due to all the beads and sequins, which, when you think of it, is a pretty sneaky way to keep yourself chaste. Chris ushers Ashley inside to talk before the clusterclump of bachelors arrives. He asks if she thought she would ever be back in the house as The Bachelorette. She claims no, she never thought she would be back. But then the producers promised they sprayed the house and she shouldn't get another infestation, so she's back. Chris asks if she has any regrets from last year and instead of saying, yeah, I didn't really work as a blonde, which is why I'm back as a brunette, she lies and says she regrets that her insecurities cost her a relationship with Brad. Girl, you owe those insecurities a thank-you letter. Also, Brad's single. Again. So you know, go tap that if you think he's so worth it. Or maybe she just finds his jaw dentally interesting?
Ashley claims that she is very skeptical and just didn't believe Brad when he said he had feelings for her. She let her insecurities get the better of her and she really regrets that. Seriously, those aren't insecurities, that is just GOOD COMMON SENSE. Your mother should be proud. You should be proud! Read more Bust Magazine or something. Then Ashley tells Chris that she is excited to meet the bachelors, but afraid that some of them aren't coming on the show for the *cough* "right reasons." What are we, thirty minutes into the show? Is that a record for the shortest amount of time for the phrase "the right reasons" to come tumbling out of the mouths of the bachelor/ette? I mean, gah.