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Seventeen and Counting

Inside the house, Fake Dean is STILL harassing The Weatherman, who is not quite smart enough to walk away, but has no qualms about using the confessional as his personal soapbox to speak the Truth about Fake Dean and to mention in passing his martial arts skills, but don't worry, he doesn't WANT to hit anyone. Ali comes in, and Fake Dean asks if she wants to step out and she says no, she wants to talk to The Weatherman. Aw, snap! Jonathan's jonathan grows about five inches at that and he follows Ali outside. And then ONCE AGAIN he spends all his alone time dissing Fake Dean. Jonathan! Show her your pecker! She has doubts! To prove that The Weatherman is not alone in his dislike of Fake Dean, the camera catches two other guys talking about the walking, mocking box of De-Con that is Fake Dean. Ali decides to take matters into her own hands and takes Fake Dean out for a talk. Don't worry, gents, Fake Dean tanks all on his own! He is so awkward and uncomfortable sitting next to Ali that she has no choice but to demand to know whether he actually likes her. He sniffs that she's no Tori Spelling, but she'll do. Ali tells him that people told her he was "dangerous," so he calls a scrum and for some reason all the guys obey him and he orders the bachelors to tell him who called him names. He knows it was The Weatherman, but everyone else has to sit there awkwardly while Fake Dean and The Weatherman duke it out. No one jumps in to defend or help or do anything, because no one but Fake Dean and The Weatherman care.

Time for the Rose Ceremony, but before she can possibly decide who is a bag of dicks and who is marriage material, Ali has to spend some requisite quality time with the Glamour Shots of all her suitor options. Finally she has made a decision. She strolls out into the Rose Room where her men are waiting. Her first rose goes to lockjawed Kasey who must have gotten something out of his wired mouth before Frank interrupted him. Ali then chooses Hunter, and since I have no idea who that is, I have no comment. Next is Roberto and his MLB gene pool potential. Then it's Chris L. the Cape Cod landscaper. After an appropriate interlude of pondering, Justin gets his rose and crutches up to accept. A few more stanzas and then some guy named Steve gets his rose. The expectant bachelors wait a few more beats and then Kirk's name is called. Then a guy named Chauncey (CHAUNCEY?) who I have NEVER seen and probably an intern who just came out of the bathroom and accidentally wandered on stage or something gets called. Then the annoying lawyer who berated Justin for no apparent reason and has no noticeable personality (or chin) is up. Chris N. is called and then suddenly it is the last rose. Please note that neither The Weatherman nor Fake Dean nor a guy who seems to have wrestled a bear between this episode and last has been called up.

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