Episode 2

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Playing the Odds

Ashley picks William, the cell phone salesman from Ohio who has a sense of humor, blond good looks, and a slew of impressions in case she wants to fantasize that she's on a date with Sean Connery (the younger version, of course, unless she likes to think about kissing her own grandpa, and no.) All the men make threats (on national television, no less) about wanting to kill William for this offense. If William dies under mysterious circumstances on this date, it's going to be super awkward. Then we cut to Ashley in skinny jeans and a pensive look thinking hard about love, the meaning of love, finding love, whether the men are good enough for her, whether she's good enough for them, love, and kissing her own grandpa. Then she jumps in a convertible Maserati, which, um... whoa. If you loved me you would buy me one. She drives to the mansion and picks up William for their date. I do appreciate the fact that Ashley is driving in stilettos, which is hard, and doesn't cede her seat to William, although he is probably DYING to drive that car. The sound of the bachelors' jaws dropping in unison is magical enough to give an angel its wings. Ashley laughs and smiles and it is clear that she thinks the men's salacious stares are for her, but it is equally clear that the editors have tried to cut out any hint that the men are actually talking about the car. 'Cause they totally are. They should make a reality show where the men have to compete for the love of a car and the car should be KITT from Knight Rider. I'll await my royalty checks, NBC!

As Ashley drives, William is holding on to the Oh Shit handle and trying to smile pretty for the camera. Luckily they aren't driving all the way to Vegas, but instead to an airfield where their private jet awaits. Yeah, this is all totally normal for a first date. It is no wonder so many of the couples from this show get married and live long happy lives together. This show is such a great predictor of behavior in real life situations!

As William and Ashley fly to Vegas, back at the house, Jeff is sweating in his mask. He is keeping busy pretending he is a really outside-of-the-box charmingly quirky kind of guy for wearing a pervert mask on TV. He keeps claiming that this mask wearing is some next level shit, like we're all so wrapped up in appearances that choosing someone who is NOT wearing a mask is just a sign of weakness and superficiality and not, say, an allergy to severe dorkiness. Do y'all mind if I just ignore him until his very inevitable ouster?

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