Bachelorette
Episode 2

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King Jeremy the Wicked

Richard snags some one-on-one time and makes her a paper flower, which she thinks is sweet, although she mockingly chides him for making it for another girl before her. "I'm not the first?" she asks. "You're the best," he assures. Pretty smooth for a high school science teacher.

Meanwhile, it's a total sausage party over in the other room, with the guys grumbling about how the party fades when DeAnna's not around. And then as if to prove how much this party sucks, we listen in on the boring small talk. It livens up somewhat when Ryan calls Twilley out, saying he's not in it for DeAnna's heart. "You seem like the least genuine of fifteen guys here," says Ryan, who needs to look in a freakin' mirror.

Instead, he gets some one-on-one time with DeAnna, and talks about how awesome he is for not cussing. What a tool. "My faith can be overwhelming to some," he says in a talking head. But it's not your faith that makes you a douchebag, guy. It's your douchebaggery. He also says that he's now confident DeAnna knows him better than anyone in the house. "I will get a rose tonight," he boasts. (In a later talking head, he appends: "If I don't get a rose tonight, I won't get one at all.")

DeAnna gets tag-team stolen by Fred and Paul, who talk about how awesome she is for getting back on The Bachelorette after what happened to her last time (she agrees she's awesome for doing so). Paul in particular talks with her along the whole "where do you see yourself in five years" and he's only twenty-three but is ready for marriage and kids and the whole bit. You're ready for marriage? What a coincidence! So is the bachelorette? Whatever bullshit he laid on her seems to work, as he's the one who gets the rose at the end of the group date.

Back at the guesthouse, Paul heads for the outdoor shower to hose himself down, and the other guys check him out without trying to be too obvious about it.

Meanwhile, Graham gets ready for his solo date, which includes packing his suitcase in case he winds up going home. DeAnna shows up and they drive off, flirting in the car. "Graham is unbelievably smoking hot," she informs us in a talking head. The date is a beach date that features the two of them trying to figure out how to fly a kite. They laugh and run in the sand, looking like a magazine cigarette ad, but don't succeed at all in getting the kite to fly.

Back at the guesthouse, the date box is out again. Chris, Robert, Brian, Jesse, Ron, Jeremy and Eric are going on a group grope. "A diamond is a girl's best friend. Step up to the plate," says the card. It's a baseball date, which prompts much hooting and hollering and high-fiving and gay things guys do to prove how not-gay they are.

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Bachelorette

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