Bachelorette

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Who in the What Now?

Frank is back to his whinging, and Craig R. is giving him the rather reasonable advice that this is a test of mental stamina as much as virility, er... LOVE. Frank nods because he might possibly get that, although he also really wants to talk to his mom, because only she would understand what he is going through, and he kind of misses their basement. But regardless, this tortured heart thing is going to be awesome for his screenwriting career. Now he knows pain firsthand! Roberto pulls Ali aside for a quick snuggle and a shot over the bow at Justin. Roberto frames this as "protecting" Ali, but whatever. Ali laughs and asks if he knows that Justin came to visit her. Roberto did not know that. He did not know that at all. Ali looks troubled that she spilled Justin's beans, but Roberto has no issues with running to the other guys and divulging the new information. Obviously Tennessee Ty wastes no time in gathering up some pitchforks, torches, tar and feathers and confronting Justin. They ask him whether he went to Ali's house yesterday. Justin looks shocked, and you can tell he's debating whether to flat-out lie, but then remembers all the damn Cameras of Truth and admits it. Everyone starts hissing like rattlers at a faith healing and crying about the unfairness of it all. Oh please, you big babies, you're just mad you didn't have the stones to do it first. Everyone calls bullshit on Justin, who ends up getting really upset as person after person yells at him. I really don't get it. The editing just isn't laying out a story that adequately explains why all the guys hate Justin. I mean, I know what People magazine says, but if it's not in the show, IT DIDN'T HAPPEN (yet). So this Justin-bashing is just odd, considering they are all in competition with each other and should all hate each other, not just Justin. And Tennessee Ty as ringleader is really unattractive... and he wasn't that attractive to begin with. Anyway, whatever. If Justin had two legs he would totally piledrive them all. The men are all piecing together the fact that Justin went up to Ali's house before Hunter's date. So then they get their Jockeys in a bunch for poor Hunter, completely robbing Ali of her "meh" feelings. Unfair! Outside, Justin is taking some alone time, but the microphone is picking up his whimpering. Finally Harrison comes in to earn the rest of his salary and hauls Ali away for her pre-Rose Ceremony meditation.

Then it's Rose Ceremony time! Harrison points out that the men have Feelings, and Feelings are Hard. He points out that it is only going to get worse. He giggles a little bit and then brings Ali in. There are nine roses to hand out and she best be hopping to it. First rose goes to Chris L., Flip Cup Champion of the World. Then Peculiar Jesse, who staked his claim last week, and Chris N., who we have not really seen before, followed by Tennessee Ty, who we have seen too much of, in my opinion. After an appropriately long and drama-building pause, Ali hands a rose to Kasey with the wired jaw and Craig R., who is beyond yucko. Frank gets his rose next, followed by the weepy Weatherman. Then it is the Final Rose, and Harrison yawns and saunters out to say, "Final rose, yadda yadda yadda." Last rose goes to: Justin. Of course. Ali thanks him for showing that he would do anything to earn the rose, while Ty grits his teeth and Kasey slams his fist into his palm. Harrison encourages the men to hurry up and say farewell so he can sit down already. First to bid adieu is Steve who has a slight man-fro and easy tears. He packs up his ego and delicate hands, and heads home to Ohio. Next is over-eager John C. from Issaquah who has to go back to developing the one (maybe two) hotels to meet the needs of Issaquah, Washington. He blames Justin for his departure and not at all his lack of personality or the fact that he looks like a 12-year-old boy. After Ali toasts the future, we get some B-roll of Kirk and dearly departed John C. trying to catch a mouse in the house, because ABC requires them to serve as their own exterminators during their down time. It's a recession, people! Everyone has to work for a living. Sheesh.

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Bachelorette

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