Bachelorette
Season 7 Episode 3

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The Dearly Departed

Ames in particular is devastated at the thought of roasting his beloved. I guess he was too busy studying "How to Make Loads of Money and Roll Around In It" to spend a semester on the Harvard Lampoon. The men all retire to various corners around the bar to draft their mean-but-endearing speeches. William, however, seems this as not only a chance to win Ashley's heart, but more important to win Jeff Ross's. Roasting Ashley is just a stepping stone to roasting Susan Boyle (eyebrows!). He can't wait to make Ashley cry and Jeff laugh. Uh oh, is William there for the "wrong" reasons? Ashley claims she is excited for the evening, because she may learn something about the men, but we all know she is going to end up in tears, right? Right.

The show begins with Lucas, who plays it safe and only roasts his fellow bachelors. As does everyone else who follows, until we get to Jeff, who makes some weird and what I assume is wildly inappropriate joke about the size of her breasts. Everyone dies of the awkward. So Jeff sets the bar really low and yet even after hitting the bottom of the comedy barrel, the men manage to keep on digging.

It's a sea of lameness, until William the self-professed comic roasts the skin off Ashley (she's trash! she's not Emily! she has no boobs!) and he keeps going until she is crying in the corner. Well done! Bentley thought it was all true, but he would never say any of it, because he wants to win. Also, William wasn't even funny. And he failed to impress Jeff Ross, so he lost the girl and the gig of his dreams. William defends his excellent decision by throwing up his hands and declaring, "It's a roast! I had no choice! My craft demanded excellence!"

Bentley espies Ashley crying and goes to comfort her, not because he is a decent human being, but to "mess with her head." He's a delight. He hugs her while she sobs that she always knew the men were there for Emily and she was a huge disappointment. He cheers her up by promising that at least 24 of the 25 men were excited it was her. Then he makes a funny little smile that seems to imply that he is the one who doesn't like her. Then he laughs at her small boobs and she smiles like an idiot. She interviews that Bentley just made her feel better. He's a real man, and that's what she's looking for. Can we get to the bottom of the Bentley storyline already so I don't have to see him on my TV screen until his eventual redemption and casting as the next "Bachelor"? Thank you.

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Bachelorette

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