Bachelorette

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Take New York

Anyway, Ali dances enthusiastically, Chris stares down her shirt but pretends he isn't and then they make out despite The Germs. And then Chris jumps on the "She's My Girlfriend" bandwagon, along with Kirk and Frank and probably Roberto (although he is smart enough not to say it) and Kasey, who is delusional and needs to be medicated. Or killed.

The next day, the men are suited up and awaiting the Rose Ceremony. Craig mocks Justin, Kasey laughs uproariously, and Justin plots his revenge. Kasey explains that when Ali didn't give him a rose on their date, it killed him, without the delightful side effect of actually killing him and thus removing him from my TV screen. He can't wait to show Ali his tattoo, which by its mere existence completely proves his sincerity. Right? Right? Ali comes down for the cocktail party in a sensible pantsuit with no bra. The men all stand at attention (in more ways than one) and start vying for her affections.

Kirk goes first and Ali makes out with him briefly as a thank you for not forcing himself on her while she was doped up on NyQuil. Then The Weatherman makes his big move and serenades Ali on his guitar. The other men all listen in as he sings. Ali sits politely listening to him sing and rewards him with a kiss. Just a little one. Not a good one. Kind of grandmotherly, really. Well, if your grandmother is into that sort of thing.

Then the editing gets a little wonky. It appears that Kasey kame klean about his tattoo and has rolled up his sleeve. Inside, Justin has taken a play out of this seasons' Bachelorette playbook and is plotting the downfall of Kasey for lying to his bros. If he lies to his bros, he will definitely lie to his ho. Right? Justin can't have that. Especially not when he was just accused of that last week. Then Ali comes to see Kasey out on the patio. Then Kasey comes and sits next to Justin, who calls him out and demands to see a burn mark on his arm. Kasey obviously can't prove that he has a burn mark, so Justin shrugs that there is nothing else to talk about. Kasey gets kwazy eyes and stares at Justin for, like, five minutes and then calls a meeting. He orders all the men to sit down in a camera-friendly semi-circle and then denounces Justin for accusing him of being there for the wrong reason. Justin interrupts to point out that he actually accused Kasey of lying about getting burned and going to the hospital. Kasey then admits that he got a tattoo. He whips it out and all the guys sit there in stunned silence trying not to laugh, but also wincing in horror. Kasey explains that Justin hurt his heart by saying he was there for the wrong reasons. Also, he got eleven stones on the shield to represent the eleven men in Ali's life at this time -- including Justin! Because he loves Justin, too!

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Bachelorette

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