Bachelorette

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Take New York

Everyone sniggers, and Kasey can't wait to show Ali his awesome tattoo! He and Ali take some alone time, and Kasey gives her a packet of her favorite candy, but Swedish Fish did not pay their product placement fee! Now America will never know that Ali loves Swedish Fish! How will Swedish Fish prevail in the marketplace now?? The same way they always have: by sticking in the teeth of all who eat them for all eternity. Ali pauses to tell us that Kasey really dialed it back and was being so sweet and thoughtful and she was really pleased that he was being himself and really listened to her. I think the editors just left this scene in so Ali could be embarrassed later at her stupidity. Kasey is about to show Ali his tattoo, but the voice in his head just won't let him pull up his sleeve and then Frank comes in and pulls her away. Kasey is krushed that he didn't have the gumption to show her his heart on his sleeve. Sad Kasey. Kwazy Kasey.

Chris Harrison teleports into the middle of the room to remind Ali that it is time for the Rose Ceremony. Ali goes to stare at her beaus' headshots for a while, while Harrison reminds the men that there are only eight roses to hand out. Chris L. is safe, but no one else is. First to get a rose? Kirk. Second: Frank, followed quickly by Dead-Behind-the-Eyes Craig who probably offered to draft her will for free if she kept him around. Next? Chris N., who we NEVER see yet he keeps moving up in the ranks. He's probably the executive producer's cousin's kid or something, because it is just weird. Roberto is next, then Justin, who actually seems surprised. The second-to-last rose goes to Tennessee Ty and his ears. Harrison earns $250,000 by walking out and announcing that this is the last rose and then walking off.

Still on the chopping block: Peculiar Jesse, Kwazy Kasey, and The Weatherman. Kasey gets called. Bad choice! Bad choice! Peculiar Jesse is frustrated, but understands that Ali is a city girl and he wants acreage and cows and to see his dogs on those acres with those cows. The Weatherman pitifully points out that he shouldn't be going home tonight, and Ali just didn't get a chance to know him. He doesn't understand what happened. He doesn't get how pitiful and sad and weepy he is. He hops in a cab and back to his weather puppets (Hello, Mr. Sun! Nice to see you, Little Rain Cloud!), who are his only true friends. As Jonathan cries alone in the cab, Ali laughs that things are heating up in New York so she is putting them all on ice in Iceland! Everyone whoops. I put my foot through the TV.

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Bachelorette

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