Episode 4

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F@#in' Phuket

So I guess the show came to Thailand during the rainy season, because it's pouring rain. This does not stop Ashley from bringing her group date to a local orphanage for a full interior and exterior paint job, landscape design, and toy delivery. Awww, The Bachelorette gives back. The menfolk are all touched by Ashley's open and caring heart (even though we all know it was a producer's idea, right? Get more callous, people!) and are eager to impress her with their own charitable contributions. They all get to work moving bunk beds, painting the walls, directing others to paint the walls, looking cute for Ashley, while reminding her that now isn't a time for flirtation, but to work for THE CHILDREN. Ashley smiles beatifically as the men improve the orphanage and she oversees their good deeds.

Then, lest you think The Bachelorette has gone soft, in the middle of all this charity, the men all start picking on Ryan for being too excited, enthusiastic, and helpful. Yes, it can be annoying when someone points out that you missed a spot, but when that guy then jumps up on a bunk bed and finishes the paint job you botched, just give it up! The men all grouse about how he's bossy and go-getter-ish and "a leader," but when you let loose a solar-energy business owner (read: a well-groomed hippy) loose in an orphanage, what did they think would happen? Also, the show needs drama now that Bentley and the Hamburglar are gone. So, Ryan gets the drama card, for being happy, enthusiastic, and good-natured. At the end of the work day, Ashley lines the men up to be adulated by the children. They present the kids with toys, bikes, and the kids run around the orphanage like it just got Extreme Makeover-ed, when, in fact, it just got painted, which is kind of sad, when you think about it.

You know how there is a certain breed of Thai restaurants that are really modern with white lacquered bars, leather banquettes, tasteful palms, and neon uplighting? Well, the producers have managed to find one of those restaurants actually IN THAILAND! Ashley takes the men there after their long day of labor. Ashley has apparently given up getting dressed in the always-inclement weather and is wearing a bikini paired with a poncho made out of fishing net (I'm guessing) and stilettos. Very appropriate ...for nothing, ever! Also, her hair is not weathering the weather very well, but instead of sensibly pulling it into a ponytail or a bun, she is leaving it down and is trying to single-handedly bring bedraggled back. Ben F. thinks Ashley has been paying him special attention today, and sure enough she pulls him aside to tell him that he really impressed her by taking the initiative to paint a mural for the kids. Then Ashley brings up Bentley and tells her that he is confident that she will get over it. Then he kisses her. See? See? It's weird that Constantine didn't get his lip lock on.

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