Bachelorette

Episode Report Card
LuluBates: A+ | 1183 USERS: B-
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Party of Five plus Jake and Vienna

Back on the one-on-one date, Roberto and Ali have found themselves a castle to canoodle in (excuse me, I have to go kill myself now for using the word "canoodle") and the sun is setting and they drink wine and feed each other. Ali plops some tomatoes on a slice of bread and presents it as the only thing that she will ever cook. Uh oh, I bet Ty expects his womenfolk to cook. Ali asks Roberto what his mom cooks and he shrugs and says, "Spanish stuff. I don't know the name." Hmm, looks like a lot of take out in the future Ali-Roberto household. Ali and Roberto then say a bunch of schmoopy stuff about how lucky they are to meet such smart, beautiful people like each other. Ali thinks he really could be the one for her. But I think whenever you are drinking wine and making out with a gorgeous guy in a medieval castle at sunset you are probably thinking: I could fall in love with this man. Because DUH. It's only when you get home and they expect you to, say, cook and quit your job and read the Bible and make your own clothes that the real issues kick in.

The next morning, Ali has managed to pry Roberto off of her face and has showered (maybe?) and is heading out for a whole boatload of AWKWARD. Make that a helicopter-ride full of AWKWARD. Ali, Frank and Ty all cram into the back of a helicopter and Ali is the meat in a man sandwich. Frank is cursing the weirdness of having to share Ali with Ty, but he totally took his meds and thinks (hopes!) he can handle it and won't spend the length of the helicopter ride sharpening his fingernails to scratch Ty's eyes out. The helicopter lands at another beautiful castle and Ty, who is always one with nature (at least until he shoots it), points out a deer. He grabs Frank's arm first, oddly (revealingly?), and then finally gets Ali's attention. She oohs and ahhs over Bambi, and Ty totally pretends that his arms aren't aching for the barrel of a gun to mow Bambi down and mount it on his wall. Then it's time for the most uncomfortable dinner on record, where Ali, Ty and Frank all break bread together. Although Ali won't eat bread on national television for fear of letters from The Zone people and instead opts for wine to soothe the Awkward.

Bachelorette

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