Bachelorette

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Let's Be Frank

You see, Frank MIGHT be in love with his EX-girlfriend. But he's no scumwad floating turd of humanity like Rated R Justin. No, no, because this is his EX. But, as Frank so logically explains, as he was falling in love with Ali, he was also falling in love with Nicole. Because falling in love with a girl who is not there and who you already dumped is completely natural and normal and totally not a reason to call a therapist and adjust your meds. Frank claims he is an emotional wreck because of all these FEELINGS. Feelings for two! It's tearing him apart! In short, Frank is a dick. An emotional fraudster, wannabe artistic dick, who is pretending he is in love with two girls at once so he can get a free flight home to Chicago because he accidentally left his journal in his room at his parents' house and he has to find it before his sister posts his tear-stained poetry on Facebook. Frank claims that He simply CAN'T go to Tahiti without a layover in Chicago, because he MUST see if he still loves his ex. Yeah, life's tough, dickweed. It sure is sad that phones don't exist in The Bachelorette's reality. Also, expensive.

So obviously we have to follow sad sack Frank on his nonsensical mission. He lays it out for us one more time, but it still doesn't make a lick of sense: He is falling in love with Ali, but he might still be in love with Nicole. The two cannot co-exist. Frank's face gets shinier and shinier as he heads to Nicole's apartment door. It's either a stress reaction or he got himself buffed and shined before confessing his love. When Nicole answers the door it is hard to tell if Frank warned her that he was coming, let alone that a camera crew would be invading her studio apartment. Luckily the apartment is spotlessly clean and Nicole's hair is straightened to within an inch of its life. Nicole is confused to see Frank there, but lets everyone in just so Frank can sit on the couch and tell her all about his valiant fight for Ali's love. Then he explains that Ali doesn't know anything about Nicole. Nicole stares at him trying to figure out why the fuck he would come tell her this on national television. Frank continues explaining about how much he likes Ali. Strangely, Nicole is not thrilled about this. It is not clear why she is not just chucking him out. After 20 minutes, Frank gets to his point: He's been thinking about Nicole a lot when he should have been thinking about Ali. He wants to see if the spark is still there. Nicole jumps at this opportunity and scooches closer on the couch and tells Frank to come home. Then they cuddle and Frank miraculously (and I mean that fully in the Insane Clown Posse sense of the word "miracle") decides he is in love with Nicole and wants to be with her for the rest of his life.

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Bachelorette

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