Frank finally arrives in Tahiti. I hope the producers made him hitchhike. Frank reminds us that he is ONLY on the lush tropical paradise to break up with Ali because he is in love with his ex-girlfriend Nicole. Please to be stopping calling her your ex-girlfriend then, eh? To prove that he is not there to have fun, he pops out his portable black rain cloud and sets it directly above his head. Also, so we know he is serious and taking this seriously, Frank decides to call a meeting with Chris Harrison who, as Ali's pimp, is also her surrogate father. Frank needs advice and I think we can all agree that when you are taking relationship advice from Chris Harrison you might as well be dead. Frank confesses his crimes to Father Harrison and Chris pretends to be flabbergasted, because Frank was falling in loving with Ali! Ali was falling in love with Frank! Frank pretends he had no idea this was going to happen, but, you know, shit happens. Frank loves Nicole and Nicole loves him. Harrison doesn't want to break host-Bachelorette confidentiality, but he will say that Ali was crazy about Frank. And Frank was just crazy. Harrison swears that he knows that Frank is a good guy, who is just having a dick day. Frank tears up a little bit about how he is going to look like such a dick on TV, but is just going to have to break Ali's heart anyway. Harrison tells him to nut up and tell her the truth. So Frank sets off to do just that.
The editorial team decides that it will build the tragicomic tension if they have Ali explain how much she loves Frank and how strong their connection is and how happy he makes her, right before he tells her that he's leaving. And it does. Ali runs up the beach to Frank's house for their sailing adventure, and Frank hugs her and then stops her with a cold, "We need to talk." Frank doesn't say anything for a while, but his silence is so laden with tension that Ali starts crying before he even tells her that he is ditching her for his ex. Frank finally bothers to start talking and tells Ali that they had an awesome connection and shit? And he could have married her and stuff? But he's not going to. He's going home to his ex, just as soon as he gets done with this awkward conversation and catches some rays and the next boat to the nearest airport. Frank further explains his decision by adding that while Ali is perfect and makes him feel awesome, he is still going with Nicole. Luckily, Ali wore waterproof mascara, because she just cries for a long time and then Frank cries and then we are just watching them both silently cry. Frank notches up the asshole ante by explaining that he was having these feelings but didn't want to tell Ali because she would have made him leave, and he didn't want to. I mean, they were in Iceland! And Portugal! And, you know, not his parents' basement. So, basically, he didn't want to be honest because he was having too much fun. Ali is strangely unmoved by this explanation and points out that she gave up everything to be here, including her apartment. Did she mention the apartment? It was a nice apartment. WAIT, THAT'S IT! Ali doesn't have an apartment and Nicole does! Frank is so desperate to get out of his parents' basement he really has no choice but to choose Nicole. Ali leaves, but hugs Frank for a long time first, but probably just because there's no one else to hug but the cameraman and... well, who would hold the camera? Ali sits on the beach and cries.