Bachelorette

Episode Report Card
Daniel: D | 972 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Ed's Dead, Baby. Ed's Dead.

Wow, a whole eight months? What are you, a priest? Poor guy! Then he slathers on a whole lot of bullshit on how it was "fate" for him to do this, and he fell in love very quickly with the idea of dating her, and then he slags off girls in the Midwest for not letting their hair down and kicking off their heels or whatever. "I really underestimated how fast I got attracted to you," he says, and Jillian babbles something about making sure he's here for the right reasons, and if I never hear the phrase "here for the right reasons" ever again it will be TOO SOON.

After several hours, Jillian picks up the rose and talks about how much fun she had, and how much Michael makes her laugh, and there's never a lag in conversation, which she for some reason thinks is a good thing, like if anything these two need to SHUT UP for TWO GODDAMNED SECONDS, and then he gets the rose, and he gives us the whole "never expected to develop these feelings" speech and says he can see himself waking up next to her every morning.

So the next day, the "snow day" card is all about taking the group date on a snowmobile trip, and Jillian is still talking about how some guys supposedly have girlfriends, and she's going to be looking at each guy and finding out if he's there FOR THE RIGHT REASONS, and she needs to know where each guy stands. Like so much for the last rose ceremony where she toasted all these idiots and said she just wanted to put the whole thing behind her, I guess.

Anyway, there are a bunch of double snowmobiles lined up, and all the guys start calling dibs on who gets to drive and who gets to ride behind, and Robby gets to ride with Jillian, and for some reason Chandler Bing is telling us that when Jillian picked Robby, all the guys were like "what?" like how did I miss that Chandler Bing was on this show? And Robby rides behind Jillian, and says it was awesome to hold onto her waist. Awesomer still would have been for you to drive and for Jillian to hold onto your waist, you wuss. Jillian tells us it's "every Canadian girl's dream" to have eight hot guys snowmobiling with her, and I hate to tell Robby that I think she picked him to ride with her so she could find out a little bit more about the girlfriend situation. He also apologizes for raging like a lunatic at the rose ceremony over not getting to spend time with her. It's hard not to be distracted by the huge red mark on his forehead left by his snowmobile helmet.
Bachelorette

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