Bachelorette

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Ed's Dead, Baby. Ed's Dead.
Chris asks her about Wes, and she says Wes has been really open with her, and he makes her happy. Chris says despite what's happened today, her head seems in the right place. On her neck? Yeah, looks about right. Also, she hasn't stopped crying about the whole stupid thing, Chris. She says she's going to miss Ed, but Ed wasn't the only one she was falling for. You know what, Jillian? I'd quit my job for love, but I'd sure as hell expect the woman I was doing it for not to be falling for MULTIPLE OTHER PEOPLE.

So Jillian goes over to the wall of cheesy pictures of the bachelors and talks about how hard this process is, but that's the way it should be, because god knows this shit is important.

So Chris explains to the assembled bachelors that Jillian didn't need a cocktail party to help her decide, and since Ed's gone, only one more person will be eliminated tonight. Jesse and Michael are safe (the two of them exchange a fist bump). Jillian comes out in a nice burnished silver gown, so it's nice that as usual, a bunch of the guys can't be bothered to put on ties or even pants that AREN'T JEANS. Jillian babbles about how she's had not just some of the best dates this week, but some of her best days. I must have missed how awesome her days were, what with her crying either about unnamed bachelors with girlfriends, or Ed leaving.

She said she's sorry to see Ed go, but she's standing before a "remarkable" group of guys. Anyway, that's enough. It's time to start handing out roses. Reid. Kiptyn. Robby. Jake. Tanner. Last rose goes to Wes, which isn't much of a shocker, since I think everyone has forgotten that That Guy Mark was actually on the show. Mark exchanges goodbyes ("Goodbye." "Who are you?" "I'm Mark!") He hugs Jillian and tells her to look him up when he's in Denver, and he talks about how he couldn't get past his own barriers, and he's been cheated on four times, and I hate to tell him that everyone's going to forget him five minutes after this show ends. Over the closing credits, we watch Jillian attempt to mess with Texas Wes by seeing if he can cross-country ski, which of course he can't -- not that she can either.

Give The Bachelorette a Tubey! She has nothing else to live for!

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Bachelorette

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