Welcome to Herpes Watch 2010! If you have purged your brain of all traces of last season's The Bachelor due to blunt force head trauma or by watching Bachelor Jake Dance with the Stars while his horse-faced love Vienna watched angrily from the sidelines (same thing really), you may have blocked out that Ali was vying for Jake's Lurve last season. Five-eighths of the way through the competition for his heart and loins and frequent flier miles, Ali realized she forgot to ask for enough time off from her job and was quite reasonably ...er, cold heartedly told to get her ass back to her cubicle by her boss who was clearly an enemy of love and not at all a responsible member of a capitalist society. Being a reasonably modern woman with at least two remaining viable brain cells in her head, Ali opted to keep her job and forsake love. Obviously upon returning to work, she immediately killed off the two brain cells that had been controlling her career path and begged to come back to the show. Jake said no, because Vienna was already putting out and they had this awesome Katherine the Great thing going on. And the other girl whose name I forget was basically two bluebirds short of being a Disney princess and who would turn her down on national television? Have you seen what those Justin Bieber fans did to poor innocent Kim Kardashian at the mildest soupcon of suspicion that Kim has a thing for mop-topped tweenagers? No one dumps a Disney princess without repercussions. Also, Ali obviously had her priorities completely wrong. I mean, clearly Jake's wife wouldn't WORK (shudder). So now Ali is back, having tossed aside her dream job, her keyboard, her sensible pants suits and is choosing LOVE. No longer will fear (of being unemployed in this economy) dictate her choices. She wants love! Or at least a lot of premarital sex on national television. She's ready. Ali has packed her waterproof mascara, moved out of her apartment, quit her job, and is ready to find the love she lost when she walked out on Jake. Yes, she was in love with Jake. No really. Stop laughing. She was. Deeply in love, in fact. DEEPLY. Anyway, Ali wants to attain at least that level of love again. Then we are treated to a montage of Exciting Events and Chances at Love to come. Yeah, it's probably best just to plug your nose and jump.
Episode Report CardLuluBates: A+ | 635 USERS: C
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