Bachelorette

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Keep on Chasing that Unicorn

Back at the house, a date card is awaiting outside the front door on a silver platter. Reid, Wes, Mike, Michael, Tanner F, Mark, Brad, Robbie, Tanner P, Kiptyn and Juan: "Show me the good, the bad and the ugly," reads the card. Great. So that movie is ruined for me. Dave tells us that he's glad he wasn't selected for the group date, because he doesn't want to hang around a group of 11 guys, especially if one of them is Juan. That's how gay he's not, I guess. It's worth pointing out that Dave is currently hanging out in a house of fifteen guys (since Ed's gone) so he must be miserable right now. There is a whole lot of boring talk about whether it's better to go on a group date and at least get to spend some time with Jillian or... I don't know, I dozed off. Wes says something, probably about how love, you know, it don't come easy.

Over at the rooftop dinner, Ed tells Jillian that he likes her eyes. And she tells him the exact same thing right back. Ed tells us the same thing that EVERY bachelor or bachelorette tells us at this point: that they didn't expect to like Jillian or Jason or whomever so much. Ed straight up asks Jillian if he's going to get a rose tonight, and says he's nervous. She giggles and then picks up the rose, and then unfortunately she starts babbling about how she had an awesome time, and she knew there was something there when she met him. "You are what I thought you are," she says. Hee! Dennis Green! So he gets the rose, of course.

And then back at the bunkhouse, some dudes take Ed's luggage, and the rest of the guys chase after them to see if the luggage is going up to the Bachelorette mansion or on the bus. Up to the mansion! What's-his-name, Brad, the guy who looks kind of like a young Kevin Bacon, notes that everyone who's gone on a one-on-one date has gotten a rose. Like there's been a hundred of them. "I don't think she's got the heart to break up with anyone," he adds.

So then the next day, on the gang bang, I mean the "group date," the limousine takes Jillian and her 11 very special men go to a Hollywood Western set, and everybody pretends that this is a real live set for an actual movie that will one day be in theatres, because all movie sets allow limousines crammed full of douchebags to just pull up and have everyone walk all over the set. Like there's a fistfight going on in the main street of this "set" and then the director is all "Cut! Good job, guys." And this is such a big-time movie that the douchebags are now all going to put on Western clothes themselves and act out their deepest Western fantasies. This movie is apparently called Western Love, so look out, Oscars! Jillian says she wants to see the guys out of their comfort zone. "I'm not expecting them all to be brilliant actors," she says. Well, that's good. To be honest, if you were, that'd be kinda mean of you. She does want to see them be good sports.

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Bachelorette

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