Bachelorette

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Keep on Chasing that Unicorn

Then we have the Fractureddorsum Hill scene with Mike and Michael, who desperately needs everybody to know how much he likes fucking women, and of course the other guys are egging them on to kiss. They do their scene, including a paraphrased "I don't know how to quit you" line, and then they hug, and Michael clowns it up, just so we know he doesn't have a boner now or anything, and then in wanders Jillian's character to tell them they make a great couple or something. None of this makes a lick of sense. Then Jillian says something about how she loves being part of one of the worst shows that has ever been on television, and she hopes this show doesn't stop until people's brains liquefy and ooze out their ears.

So now the dates are going to a swanky downtown loft for a "wrap party," because I guess the "movie" has finished "filming." And then there's Reid taking Jillian away, and thank god they keep putting those graphics up on screen so that I can actually remember this guy's name. Jillian asks him about exes. He says he's been in love only "one and a half" times, whatever that "half" is supposed to mean. And he tells us how he was about to go in for the kiss, and then "good ol' Juan" came in and swept her away.

He tells us he hasn't had a chance to talk to her since she stuck up for him after the other guys wanted him out of the house. He tells her that he wasn't surprised to be picked, but what bothered him was someone saying he wasn't there "for the right reasons," and then they talk about how none of that stuff matters. Well, duh. None of any of this matters.

Meanwhile, back at the bunkhouse, Dave is still ranting about his nemesis/forbidden man-crush Juan, saying that he could actually kill him. He says Juan's just saying what Jillian wants to hear, and that she's gotta pick up on that stuff. "If she doesn't, she's like every other girl." The other guys seem somewhat baffled about Dave's level of love/hate for Juan, and one of them suggests that Dave should have called Juan out the night of the vote, but Dave, who can't speak without being bleeped, says Jillian would have been pissed at him if he'd done that. You mean, you didn't say something because you thought Jillian wouldn't want to hear it? After just bitching that Juan only says what Jillian wants to hear?

Dave tells us in an interview that it doesn't make sense that Sasha got a one-on-one date, because he's still waiting for his. Dave looks increasingly unhinged as this show progresses.

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Bachelorette

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