Bachelorette

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Keep on Chasing that Unicorn

Meanwhile, back at the group date, Jillian and the other guys jump in a huge sterilization bath, I mean "hot tub," and then Tanner P. can't stop himself from grabbing Jillian's feet and kissing them, and then Jillian leaves and goes to cuddle with Robby, who is still all a-flutter from his kiss with her. She tells him that of all her scenes, his was the most fun because it was the most natural, and he made her so comfortable, and his was also the best kiss. And then they're kissing some more, and all the guys watching start hooting and hollering. Brad tells us he couldn't believe that they were kissing, because watching them, it was like "ugh." Well, a) no one's forcing you to watch, and b) how old are you, nine?

Then Jillian gets back in the genital soup -- I mean, the "hot tub" -- and announces that Robby gets the rose because he made her feel so comfortable, even though the whole point of the goddamn movie shoot was to get everyone out of their comfort zones. And then Jillian says she has a surprise for everyone, so they go inside. And it's not a cool surprise, instead she forces them to watch all the stupid scenes from the stupid movie they stupid shot that day, and I don't think they even had any popcorn or anything. What kind of crappy surprise is that?

So then Sasha is getting ready for his one-on-one date, which unfortunately involves him telling us that he refers to other people as "sheep" whilst he is a wolf who is always looking for "that mythical unicorn." What? [Don't you know the old fairy tale about the wolf who fools around with the unicorn while the sheep watch? - Zach] Wes tells us that watching Sasha get ready for his date don't come easy.

Jillian shows up, and all the other guys have to horn in by hugging her, and then they drive off and she tells us that they're going to the Petersen Automotive Museum. "I love cars," she says, in fact she loves anything with a motor, and she says Sasha's eyes lit up when he saw what they were doing. They have the museum to themselves. I prefer to think that everyone else at the museum said, "Oh, shit! It's the Bachelorette! Let's clear out before she starts nattering at us about love!" and left. So they take pictures of each other getting ass prints on the hoods of classic cars, and then Sasha gets to pick out a Ferrari and go for a spin. "Sasha drove like a maniac, and I loved it," she says. This would be "little Jillian," again, right? The small-town girl who loves nothing more than a guy driving a car really fast, right?

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Bachelorette

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