Bachelorette

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Keep on Chasing that Unicorn

Inside, David is intensely going on about how he's in the "top three" of least amount of time spent with Jillian, and tells us that he has to get a rose tonight. Yeah, everybody has to get a rose tonight, or they're gone, numbnuts.

Jillian comes in while Dave is frothing at the mouth and invites him to come talk, and then they walk off, and he weirdly whistles "Here Comes the Bride" as they go.

Outside, he tells her, as non-arrogantly as he possibly can, about how he's used to being the top dog and now he's not getting the attention that he wants, or something. He tells her that he wants to get to know her better, but there are other guys in the house who she's not a good fit for. Speak of the devil, here comes Juan strolling up. "Davey. Do you mind?" says Juan. Picture Dave doing his best to keep the steam from shooting out of his ears. He goes back inside to tell the other guys how amazing their conversation was until Juan stepped in. Wes seems to find it amusing.

"I have zero respect for Juan," Dave tells us. This comes as a surprise to everyone! "He seems really shady. He's lied. He's here for the wrong reasons." Jillian would seem to disagree, because outside Juan is teaching her Spanish and telling her how pretty she is, and she is telling him explicitly that she knows he's here for her.

Inside, Dave is toasting a round of shots to "real men" who know how to drink shots. And Tanner P. is outside running down Wes to some other guys, saying he thinks some guys are here to further their careers. I'd like to know what Tanner P.'s boss thinks if he sees Tanner say, "I'm not here to do shit. I'm here to suck on some toes and meet some Jillian." Thankfully he explains that he plans to get to know Jillian before he gets to meet the feet. I think he's drunk.

I think he's also drunk in his one-on-one time with her, as he sloppily talks to her and puts her feet in his lap (and does a beyond-creepy toe-sucking routine in a talking-head with us). Weirdly, Jillian tells us she can't relate to Tanner's toe thing, but the more she talks to him, the more comfortable she gets with him.

Meanwhile, Juan is telling other guys how good his conversation with Jillian was, and David is yelling at another group of guys about how he doesn't think Juan's making it through this round (and then angrily going off on Ed for interrupting him at one point). "Dave's a little unstable right now," says Ed. "Right now"? He thinks things are going to get ugly. We watch Dave angrily fix himself a drink in the kitchen, and angrily cursing at everyone for watching him, or something. One of the other bachelors, Reid or Robby or Walter or Gregory or whoever the hell says he looks ready to kill someone. So stay tuned!

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Bachelorette

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