Dinner. As they sit down, Ma Matthew asks right off, "Can I make a toast?" And this part of the family dynamic I can totally understand, because the members of my family are all inveterate toastaholics. We always feel the need to clink glasses, as my mother stands up and tries to tell us how happy she is to have the whole family in one place together, but she usually only gets through the words "I'm just so..." before she inevitably starts to cry. But it's totally ingrained my siblings and I with this need to toast whenever we have a glass of liquid anywhere near us, whether I'm opening a Capri Sun for my niece or drinking Diet Pepsi from a novelty plastic cup with the Mets' 2003 schedule on it at Shea Stadium with my brother. So what's special about Ma Matthew and her toast? Well, for one...Ma Matthew's toast rhymes, people. It rhymes. She puts on her glasses and takes out a piece of paper, and at least avoids the line that usually follows the rapid-fire glasses-and-paper sequence: "I have so many people to thank and I just didn't want to forget anyone." Instead, she reads her toast aloud:
What a joy to see two young happy faces
Brought together by an unusual fate from faraway places
Use your head and your heart
As you're off to a really fast start
I'm not sure where you're going
But for now you're both glowing
May this day be a step towards making your dreams come true
Our heartfelt wishes are for love and happiness for both of you.
Awwwww! Cute Mom reads a cute poem sure to get her a "check" at her Introduction to Poetry course down at the Learning Annex. Nay! A "check plus," indeed! Everyone toasts, and the audience is charmed. Except for one person who, somewhere in Vail, mumbles a put-out, "Oh, shove it up your Shamu, rhyming lady" before being interrupted by a shrill "Honeeeeeee, come massage my feeeeeeeeet," as he lunges for the remote and considers his life in a world where rhyming couplets had never been invented.
And, it's over. Don't you know you're supposed to wait forty-five minutes after you eat before going on a swing or a montage? Ignoring both of these golden rules, Matthew and Meredith are now on a giant porch swing outside of the house, Meredith observing, "I've been on two swings today." Did they just neglect to show us the footage of Meredith playing the Jane to his Tarzan, or is she doing a where-do-you-end- and-I-begin thing about her sudden soul-mate-y relationship with Matthew? They rock on the swing, Meredith telling us that being on it, out there, with Matthew, made her feel "like a grandma and grandpa." Nana? She continues by telling Matthew that she feels "much better about Texas," about which I'm sure Texas will be incredibly relieved.