Bachelorette
Home On Deranged

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Save The Drama For Yo Mama

And, of course, Chad is a bubbling cauldron of misgivings in his own right. And why not? In his confessional, his information shows up on the bottom of the screen as, "Chad, 32, pharmaceutical sales, Buffalo, NY." By the end of Meredith's visit, so much of that information proves untrue that I could probably be convinced that pharmaceutical sales is a sham job entirely! Even for people who are actually employed in it! Let's start with this: "Having Meredith come here to Buffalo sends different feelings through me," Chad stammers. Obviously, I have a lot of excitement, but also some anxieties as well. Probably the biggest thing is that I live with my mother." Please note that, should you see any misspellings throughout this recap, it is because my touch-typing skills are not good enough to support me typing while my head is elsewhere, hung down to my knees in shame.

Not that there isn't a perfect reasonable explanation for all of this. Y'see, Chad's father died "a few years ago," so Chad couldn't just up and move out on his mom when she was going to be alone in the house, now, could he? And not that I'm going to be the one to point out the fact that this meant Chad was still living at home when he was, like, twenty-seven or twenty-eight, because every family situation is different and it is absolutely none of my business. And besides, "Obviously she's my mom, but I think I told you, when I send her a card and stuff, it's roommate. Because we just have that tight bond." Well, at least it makes me feel less weird about buying Mother's Day cards for my female roommates. Which I don't do. Because of the BOUNDARIES. Anyway, Chad's almost done. With this speech about his mother, and with his chances with an actual girl: "I'm thirty-one years old. She can't expect me to live at home forever." I thought he was thirty-two. She can expect you to live at home forever.

Over at Chad's sister's much, much, much nicer house, we meet Chad's mother, two sisters, and their husbands. In a truly eyebrow-raising confessional, Chad's sister Darcy tells us a few revealing things: "We are huge Bachelor fans. I mean, we saw the last show. My sister and I had a party for that last show. And the whole time, knowing that my brother was going to be on The Bachelorette, I was just hoping that it was Meredith." Okay, someone help. Besides the creepy Notting Hill vibe I'm getting of them only wanting to chill with Meredith because she is a quote-endquote-celebrity, I'm also missing the point somewhere with who knew the Bachelorette was Meredith and when. I mean, obviously, it was announced to the world during the filming of it or right at the end, but as Chris told us at the very beginning of this season, and I quote, "When Meredith was sent home by Bachelor Bob, we got emails, phone calls, and letters from single men across the nation." So all of the men wanted to go on the show just to meet Meredith. So unless Chad was contractually gagged -- which would be weird, because he would already have told everyone that he'd sent emails, made phone calls, and wrote letters to Chris Harrison to express his love for Meredith and Meredith alone -- I'm just saying it pokes a hole in the "men perfect for Meredith" thing if the guy was getting out of the limo not knowing if he was going to be meeting Meredith or Kelly Jo or a guy in a pumpkin costume yelling, "I'm the Great Pumpkin! We have a pumpkiny connection that makes for pie or delicious seeds!" I'm just saying: not fate.

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