Bachelorette
Home On Deranged

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Save The Drama For Yo Mama

"We all think we know Meredith and we've known her," Chad's mom tells us, inadvertently underlining the inherent sociology behind stalking and its root causes. The two sisters talk about how sad they were when she got booted from the show, and tell us in a confessional that she's even prettier than she was on the TV. But screw the ass-kissing. It's time for them to blow it in front of this comely TV personality. Let's hear it from Mom! "Meredith, you're self-employed?" Yeah, aren't we all. "What did you see in this unemployed person?" You can practically hear the needle being ripped off the record as Meredith tells us she didn't know about Chad's current unsold not-so-pharmaceutical non-sales. But stress no more...it's time for a toast! Let's do this one ourselves, shall we?

What sadness to see where Meredith's joy went
When she discovered her engagement ring was bought with checks of unemployment
Trapped in a life in Buffalo
Don't drive out of there too quickly, it's starting to snow!
Chad still lives with his dear old mother
But really she isn't too much bother
At dinner he gets a booster seat
And on steak night she cuts his meat!

Chad and his mom retire to the kitchen, where she shares, "She's great!" And the financial viability of splitting the rent three ways is, well, I just can't even tell you! And then, in the dining room, Chad's mom and Meredith share some moments together, during which Meredith talks about how genuine and sincere he is and Chad's mom is all, "I'LL STAB YOUR EYES OUT, PUNK!" Except she actually says that she hopes Chad and Meredith will end up together. Outside, Chad whispers, "You really make me feel good," and he and Meredith kiss smackily and she tells us that he's someone she can picture spending the rest of her life with. She hops into an attending vehicle as Chad returns to the house, has a warm glass of Postum, puts on his Speed Racer footsie pajamas, and when the karmic backlash finds me living with my mom in five years, y'all can drive out to Massapequa and laaaaaaaaaugh.

New York City! Surely there has never been a city so rich in reality-show history. Besides the city of "Wisconsin," which certainly seems to house a few reality refugees itself, for some reason. Meredith strolls with heavy security past the corner of Avenue B and East 10th Street and meets Ian on the eastern side of Tompkins Square Park, away from where all of the "civilization" is. So, if you're curious as to why the smoking barrels are disappearing right before your eyes and then showing up as gleaming fire hydrants the very next time they show the same shot, it's because the twee new café behind her is selling big, heaping mugs of gentrification-o-ccino, and she's walking right through the middle of it. Just saying.

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Bachelorette

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