Bachelorette
Bachelorette

Episode Report Card
Djb: A+ | 778 USERS: C+
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She's A Bad Nana Jama

Justin appears to be Chris Harrison, trying to find a way to sneak onto the show and date a pretty girl. He's also a twenty-six-year-old pro baseball player from Orlando. That's odd. I've followed baseball my entire life, and...well, I didn't know there was a professional baseball franchise in Orlando. Maybe it's triple-A? Maybe he's the starting shortstop for the Orlando Overexaggeraters?

There's a Wall, New Jersey? Not according to Mapquest, there isn't. Well, apparently there is, though, because that's where Sean is from, where he works as an accountant. His looks would lead someone to describe him as "Sean, that guy who looks like he'd be an accountant, y'know?" He was engaged once, but now he's not. Uh oh. He's toting designer excess baggage from the Bob Guiney Travel Collection. It's a life lesson well learned, Meredith: avoid avoid avoid.

Another limo? Whose riches are spent to make this all so lush? Oh, that's right. Satan's. Anyway, out of fancy car #2 we meet:

Ryan R. He tells us that he's given a lot of thought to how he would propose to a woman. Would it be by hiding the ring inside of his giant chin dimple? Because that could be very romantic and also just like magic.

Brian, who is a thirty-one-year-old "Manager of Athletic Facility" from Quincy, Massachusetts. So...nighttime manager at a suburban Modell's, you think? ["Hee. That's my sister's boyfriend's job." -- Wing Chun] Maybe he's just in this for the corporate sponsorship possibilities, like, "Brian, will you accept this rose?" "No, Meredith, I can't, because...I gotta go to Mo's!" Something tells me it'll never get nearly that far for Brian.

Damon is a twenty-nine-year-old from a fake fantasy town called "Cardiff by the Sea," California. He tells us that he plays "arena football" for a living. Is that, like, where you pick players and put them in the computer and then those fake teams you made up play each other? Or is that fantasy football? And, in reality, is either one of those actually a job? No. No, it is not.

Bachelorette

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