Bachelorette
House Of Bland And Groggy

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She's A Bad Nana Jama

Rick pins Meredith in a private corner that looks rather like it's a doctor's waiting room. He reminds her that he wanted to give her a gift, and goes on to explain, "I own a slipper company." Were that only sufficient explanation for what happens next, gentle reader. He pulls out from seeming nowhere two enormous pink (wrong Bachelorette, shortstack) slippers with roses embroidered on the side. "Ultimately," he explains by way of a confessional, "I wanted her to see through the slippers to my heart." Can we just let that one quote stand on its own? In fact, let's see it again: "Ultimately," he explains by way of a confessional, "I wanted her to see through the slippers to my heart." Meredith tells us that Rick scored some points with the slippers, complimentarily deeming him "the silent killer" of the evening. Awwww...just like plague.

Look! A dining room! What a strange development. Meredith parks herself on Lanny's lap, and they banter about horses. Someone else gives her a rose. Someone else gives her windup monkeys that he pulls out of her pocket. Meredith tells us that she found the gesturing "weird but intriguing." I found it "disturbing but prosecutable." And that's why she's on TV and I'm not. Keith scoffs that he had no interest in bringing Meredith some silly trinket, adding, "I'm the gift." Ew. Well then, Keith, someone ought to put you in a big Tiffany box. With no holes in the top. And throw it into the fountain.

Chad and Meredith share a very drunk conversation in the dining room. Ryan M. and Meredith discover that they both like golf. Keith gives Meredith a kiss seemingly against her will, and down comes Chris, singing a rousing but familiar refrain of "I Ting Ting Ting The Body Electric." If by "body electric," you mean "champagne glass." Did I really just back that far out of my way to make a Fame reference? Because you know that line isn't originally from Fame? Yeah, neither did I until about fourteen seconds ago.

Thank you to all who contributed possible new names for the rancidly named "Room of Reckoning." I'm still thinking on it. Though I'd like to point out that, were this room a Janet Jackson album, it would be called DeliberNation.

Chris asks Meredith what it feels like to have the attention of twenty-five men heaped on her, and Meredith admits that she's not that sad about it. Chris says that her mood has gone from "excited" to "giddy," which means she's gone from "sober" to "drunk." She does look good here. But her earrings are slightly insane. On a plate on a small side table between Chris and Meredith sit fifteen boutonniere roses, fourteen of them red and one of them white. While I'm making changes to the show, I would like to propose that the meaning of the white rose is that whomever Meredith gives it to has to kiss another guy in order to stay on the show. Just trying to keep things interesting here, people. But, apparently, the purpose of the white rose is that whoever receives it also gets the first one-on-one date with Meredith. How climactic! Except it's anti-that. Also, the guy who gets it won't know what it means until...later! Wow. All the stops, they've pulled out.

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Bachelorette

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