The Fantasy Suites. Meredith lies on the couch wearing body language that supplants the need for a bumper sticker slapped across her bra strap that promises, "I'd rather be reading. Fuck all, I'd rather be anywhere." They toast with glasses of champagne, and Chad goes in for the kiss just as Meredith sits up, all of this taking place in one fluid, slapstick move so Three's Company it looks totally staged. Chad tells Meredith of his "wild side," which she doesn't believe exists, and she asks him if he considers himself "a sexual person," which he answers in the affirmative, like, nine thoughtful hours later. He finally gets the kiss, and he has to move Meredith's arm from off the couch to around his back. In his final confessional, like, ever, Chad tells us that he thought the date couldn't have gone any better, promising, "That last rose is just right around the corner." I think "just over the horizon" would have been a better "futile spatial relation" metaphor, but whatever.
Look! The sunny, white-sand beaches of Puerto Rico! AGAIN! Today, we learn, we're meeting Matthew. On a white, sandy beach. And there he is. He runs right up to Meredith and hugs her big. He puts a flower in her hair. He bemoans the fact that it's been "a long time." Real couples are separated for business trips longer than the two of these people have known each other. We find them on lawn chairs sipping tropical beverages out of coconuts, because Meredith has been marooned for so longer on this island that she's gone a little mad and has fashioned drinkware out of island fruits and smelted some silverware and named a volleyball and grown a beard and read Life of Pi, the worst book ever. Matthew asks her what's on her mind, and she just tosses back, "You." Matthew gives her a raucous high-five and shouts "Good answer!" with the same exact inflection The Geek used to bellow, "Nice manners!" Oooh, that reminds me of yet another thing I wish I were doing with my time right now.
"I've never seen eyes like yours," Matthew croons, a clear indicator he's spent his alone time leading up to Meredith's arrival canvassing bars and other singles locations and asking the local color, "Speak to me the most cheesy line of your most Latin lover." Meredith, not convinced, shoots back the intellectual "Are you joking me?" That's not an expression. She goes further: "In what way?" This corners Matthew into having to back up that claim, and all the background generic guitar scoring doesn't distract from the reality that he's not really telling her anything new about her eyes besides their color. He's all, "Um, well, they're green. And then hazel. And oooh, is that some umber I see? And, there, right on the edge, is a color called Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown, a color that is the result of Crayola's 'Name the New Color Contest' to celebrate the company's ninetieth anniversary in 1998." Wow. When did the dude learn so much about crayons?