Meredith drags us screaming into a confessional and tells us that the two of them initially had "a day full of activities" planned, but that she decided to bag them so that they could spend the whole day together, like, just hanging out. That deafening sound you hear is the incredulous groaning of a thousand production assistants angrily muttering, "Fucking cancel the hot-air balloon guy, then, I guess. I got up at 6 this morning for WHAT reason, exactly?" Meredith asks Matthew what he wants out of this experience, and he tells her that he's there to learn if they can spend their lives together. Meredith echoes those words almost verbatim in a confessional, telling us, "That's exactly what I want to hear!" And, according to your crack production staff, that's apparently exactly what we wanted to hear. Twice. Music strum strum strums along strummily while they cuddle in silence, and Meredith whips out (don't get excited...nothing good is about to happen) the faaaaaaaantasy suites card right there in broad daylight. But don't you worry: by the time Matthew finishes sounding out all of the individual syllables making up the card before them, it's night. Six months later. Meredith asks Matthew if they should stay as a couple, and Matthew says he'll leave it up to her. But when she says they should, he hilariously throws out a quick "Okay I agree." Next stop, thuddingly boring make-out talk in the faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahntasy suite. Matthew tells Meredith, "You got me good, Meredith." In subtitles. She tells him, "I know what you're saying." In subtitles. Could you guys speak up? Or, as my mom would say, quoting her favorite ever line from her favorite ever movie, Whoopi Goldberg's Jumpin' Jack Flash : "Speak English, Mick!" She says it a lot. So don't you be mumbling around my mom.

"You're the kind of guy that I push away," Meredith drones on, reinforcing my long-standing and repeatedly proven belief that if you listen closely, your mate will tell you exactly how he or she will break your heart and disguise it as insecurities about themselves. It's not an admission. It's a warning. She continues on, "You're right in front of my face. Sometimes, I don't know what to do," and then confessionalizes, "Matthew is the kind of guy you take home to your family." The sum total of those comments, along with pretty much everything she's ever said about Matthew, means, "I should like you. A lot more than I do." Ever know that guy? Who was so, so nice that you wished you liked him more? Whose shimmering heart of gold glows through his shining armor? Who makes you want to turn on your heart light and let it shine wherever you go? Ladies, meet Matthew. Ladies, choose Ian.